Ahem Quotes & Sayings

Ahem",she says. "I figured you were the only kid in the building, so it had to be you."
It's too easy
I can't resist.
"Excuse me" I say somewhat abruptly.
"It's you, right?"
I make George look as confused as possible. "Do I know you?"
Now she starts to doubt herself. "Oh, I'm sorry. I just, uh, am supposed to meet somebody."
"What does he look like?"
"I don't, um, know. It's, like, an online thing."
I grunt. "Shouldnt you be in school?"
"Shouldnt you be in school?"
"I can't. There's this amazing girl I'm supposed to meet."
She looks me hard. "You jerk. — David Levithan

We began the process of learning how incredibly difficult it is to live with someone who is totally anal and slightly OCD (ahem ... Victor). And someone who is perpetually accidentally hot-gluing herself to the carpet, and who is sort of mentally unstable, but in an "At-least-I-still-remember-how-pants-work" kind of way (cough ... that'd be me). Victor remarked that comparing myself with the sometimes naked hermit next door wasn't exactly a strong mental-wellness benchmark, especially since I often ended up pantsless myself. I raised my eyebrow at his seemingly seductive remark until I realized he was referring to the time he found me half naked because I'd just hot-glued my jeans to the carpet. — Jenny Lawson

While you were leaping headlong into an ambush you should have foreseen, she might have been attacked. She might have been killed or worse.'
Rupert came to a halt. 'What could be worse than her being killed, do you think?'
'I thought I had communicated to you Mr. Salt's opinions and wishes in the matter of Mr. Archdale's disappearance,' Beechey said. 'I thought I used easily comprehended terms.'
'You did,' Rupert said. 'I told Mrs. Pembroke about it in much the same way.'
'You told -' After a pause, Beechey went on, his voice strained, 'You cannot have revealed our suspicions about the - ahem - places of dubious repute. This is one of your jokes, I daresay. Ha ha.'
'She said her brother was not in a brothel or opium den and I was on no account to go to such places looking for him,' Rupert said. 'I obeyed, as I was obliged to do. You did tell me I wasn't to upset her, did you not?'
There followed the kind of furious silence with which Rupert was more than familiar. — Loretta Chase

Shudupshudup ... will ye all shudup while I'm talkin' ... Ahem. Good day ta' ye, carter fellow my ol' fellowy fellow! If ye'll gie us - me a lift as far as yer are goin', we - I'll gie ye this fine shiny golden coin! The — Terry Pratchett

Either I've invented a whole new logic or, ahem, I'm not playing with a full deck. — Philip K. Dick

Tonight is delicate business," said Drakasha. "Misstepping in Port Prodigal after midnight is like pissing on an angry snake. I need - " "Ahem," said Locke. "Originally, we're from Camorr." "Be on the boat in five minutes," said Drakasha. — Scott Lynch

Ahem," Drustan said after a long time. "Do you know you just married me, lass?" "What?" Gwen shouted. "Would you please let your husband out of the garderobe?" Gwen was stunned. She'd married him with those words? — Karen Marie Moning

She coughed into her fist. "I, ahem, don't want to sound didactic or fictitious in any manner," she began, doing a great Woody impression. She had his timing, the speech delay tactics. She had the hand mannerisms. She had the New York accent. It was her best work. "But I may have some important information." Myron — Harlan Coben

W. Edwards Deming, the chief instigator of the Total Quality Management movement that revolutionized manufacturing, told a story about a company that used a variety of flammable products in its production process. Unsurprisingly, fires frequently broke out in its plants. But the president of the company didn't think he had a situation problem; he thought he had a person problem. He sent a letter to every one of the company's 10,500 employees, pleading with them to set fewer fires. Ahem. (What — Chip Heath

No. I can quite happily say someone is handsome, good-looking, and I can see why someone would want to f**k them, but I've never felt that way about a man myself. There is that moment in your late teens when you ask yourself the question, 'Am I?' but I wasn'tWell, this year I have a talent crush on Ryan Gosling. I think he's fantastic and(ahem) you know he'd be nice afterwards. He seems smart. If I was gay, I would go for a smart man. — Daniel Radcliffe

I'm only trying to pull my own weight. I don't want to be a liability.'
She reached out, smiling.
'And I would imagine I'll still be required to maintain close contact with you while I learn. At least in the beginning.'
He looked at their joined hands before turning his eyes to hers, a slow smile spreading across his own lips.
'It would be, ahem, wise to maintain physical contact while learning, that is true. — Michelle Zink

She was only a year old, but elves grew up fast. Not like witches, who Jenks swore were not able to be on their own until they were thirty. Ahem. — Kim Harrison

1.
"Ahem. I know you hate Mondays, madam, but you picked the absolutely wrong one to play hooky. Or be sick. Yes, I suppose it's vaguely possible that you are actually sick. Anyway, here we are at lunch, Sadie and I, witnessing total social disorder. Your friend Alexander Bainbridge is sitting at the usual table, but facing the room. Amanda Alstead is sitting at Table One. Or, should I say,sitting more or less on a Phillite senior boy, whose name is unimportant, at Table One. A very nice young lady at the next table over-you know, the one who writes about Mr. Darcy-has just informeed us that Amanda dumpled Alex over the break. On Thanksgiving Day,no less. By e-mail. No telling how much truth is there, but a lot more than a kernal, I would say. We have a large, seven-dollar bag o' movie popcorn here. Thought you'd like to know. Call me. — Melissa Jensen

Carmen sat up when she heard a familiar trill from her computer. It was an instant message from Bee.
Beezy3: Packing. Do you have my purple sock with the heart on the ankle?
Carmabelle: No. Like I'd wear your socks.
Carmen looked from her computer screen down to her feet. To her dismay, her socks were two faintly different shades of purple. She rotated her foot to get a view of her anklebone.
Carmabelle: Ahem. Might possibly have sock. — Ann Brashares

Well," Waxillium said. "Perhaps I should begin by asking after your health."
"Perhaps you should," Steris replied.
"Er. Yes. How's your health?"
"Suitable."
"So is Waxillium," Wayne added.
They all turned to him.
"You know," he said. "He's wearing a suit, and all. Suitable. Ahem. Is that mahogany? — Brandon Sanderson

Taylor was about to answer when, out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of -
Kate, Val, and Jeremy.
The three of them sat in a row, wide-eyed, staring over the back of the couch at her and Jason. Mesmerized by the scene. Val had gotten hold of some M&M's from the dish on the coffee table and was chewing them distractedly, as if watching a movie.
Taylor cleared her throat. Ahem . . . — Julie James

Morgan," I said into the receiver. And if I'd known what was coming I would not have said it so cheerfully. Someone on the other end made a throat-clearing noise, and with a jolt of surprise I recognized it. It was the sound Captain Matthews made when he wanted to call attention to the fact that he was about to make an important pronouncement. But what momentous declaration could he possibly have now, for me, before I even finished one doughnut, and why would he speak it on the phone to a mere forensics wonk? "Ahem, uh, Morgan," the captain said. And then there was silence. "This is Morgan," I said helpfully. "There's a, um," he said, and cleared his throat again. "I have a special assignment. For you. Can you come up to my office? Right now," he said. There was another slight pause, and then, most baffling of all, he added, "Uh. Please." And then he hung up. I — Jeff Lindsay

The poets get a quizzical ahem. They reflect time, I am the very ticking. — Roy Fuller

Q: Why do you use swear words on your blog, but never the F word?
A: Because I'm saving the F word for the day when I write a blog post about the for-profit health insurance industry and the way its CEOs become wealthy by not only preying on, but exacerbating, other people's personal tragedies.
*ahem*
Happy Monday, everyone :o) — Kristin Cashore

Nervy little Shades' Hill purse-clutcher, thinking you can keep me in the dark. What plan?"
"The plan to steal a corpse."
"Ahem. Anything else you'd like to tell me about it?"
"It's brilliant. — Scott Lynch

I had no plans to be a writer. My teenaged bid for stardom was to be a pop star ... which, ahem, didn't exactly work out. — Sophie Kinsella

Today 5:14 p.m.
"Mrrrrrowl. Mrrrrrowl."
"Ow! Ow, stupid cat! Ahem. You told me, 'stop calling, Isabelle,' but I'm not the one calling you. Church is calling you. Mine are merely the fingers that work the phone.
"See, here's something you may not have known before you committed your recent rash acts. Our cat, Church, and your cat, Chairman Meow? They're in love. I've never seen such love before. I never knew such love could exist in the heart of a ... cat. Some people say that love between two dude cats is wrong, but I think it's beautiful. Love makes Church happier than I've ever seen him. Nothing makes him happy like Chairman Meow. Not tuna. Not shredding centuries-old tapestries. Nothing. Please don't keep these cats apart. Please don't take the joy of love away from Church.
"Look, this is really just a warning for your own good. If you keep Church and Chairman Meow apart, Church will start to get angry.
"You wouldn't like Church when he's angry."
Beep — Cassandra Clare

Where in the Bible does the young woman initiate a marriage?' Nobody asked bitterly.

'Ahem, well, now that you mention it, in the book of Ruth. — John J. Horn

'Eyes Wide Open' took shape from two real life events straight from my own past. One was the sad suicide of my young nephew, a troubled kid, who was found at the bottom of a landmark cliff in central California. The second was a chance encounter forty years ago with none other than, ahem, Charles Manson! — Andrew Gross

We'd like to bury the idea that there's a right way and a wrong way, a smart way and a foolish way, a red way and a blue way. The modern world demands that we all think a bit more productively, more creatively, more rationally; that we think from a different angle, with a different set of muscles, with a different set of expectations; that we think with neither fear nor favor, with neither blind optimism nor sour skepticism. That we think like - ahem - a Freak. — Steven D. Levitt

Ahem," a voice said behind me. I didn't need to turn around to know it was Judith, my once human, but now poltergeist mother-in-law. I had once joked with Bella that if anyone hated me enough to come back from the dead to haunt me, it would have been her mom. Seems the joke was on me, because that's exactly what she did. — R.E. Vance

Peanut butter, or turkey?"
"Turkey. Soft on the mayo, extra mustard."
Rick lifted an eyebrow at her. "Do I look like a cook?"
"You do until Vilseau comes back. Because anything beyond microwave pizza is your territory, sweetheart."
With a grin he began slathering mustard on one of the slices of bread. "Wonderful. So now I have to negotiate a multimillion-dollar deal and cook? Do you want tomatoes?"
"Hell, yes, my darlin'."
"Ahem. Innocent bystander trying not to barf over here." Stoney waved a hand at them from the doorway. "What's the gig?"
"Food first. Do you want Rick to make you a sandwich?"
"Hey," Rick protested. — Suzanne Enoch

Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by the English [ ... ] — Lewis Carroll

I've seen a baby born. And, ahem, I know what made it. But I'm not telling, you'd never believe me. — N.D. Wilson

Ahem. Dear Jesus," Taylor intoned more fervently. "We just want to thank you for gettin' us here safe
"
There was a loud, gurgling groan. Somebody shouted, "Oh my gosh! Miss Delaware just died!"
"
for gettin some of us here safe," Taylor continued. "And we pray that, as we are fine, upstandin', law-abidin' girls who represent the best of the best, you will protect us from harm and keep us safe until we are rescued and can tell our story to People magazine. Amen."
- "Beauty Queens — Libba Bray

Miss Ellis?" Mrs. Perterson says. "It's your turn. Introduce Alex to the class"
"This is Alejandro Fuentes. When he wasn't hanging out on street corners and harrassing innocent people this summer, he toured the inside of jails around the city, if you know what i mean. His secret desire is to go to college and become a chemistry teacher, like you Mrs. Peterson."
Brittney flashed me a triumpnet smile, thinking she won this round. Guess again, gringa. "This is Brittney Ellis," I say, all eyes focused on me. "This summer she went to the mall, bought new clothes to extend her wardrobe, and spent her daddy's money on plastic surgery to enhance her, ahem, assets. Her secret desire is to date a Mexicano before she graduates."
Game on ... — Simone Elkeles

We have come here for revenge," Giulietta corrected him "and to gut that monster, Salimbeni, and string him up by his own entrails ... "
"Ahem," said Friar Lorenzo, "we will, of course, exercise Christian forgiveness - "
Giulietta nodded eagerly, hearing nothing. " ... While we feed him to his dogs, piece by piece! — Anne Fortier

As NONE of this is RELEVANT to TODAY'S TOPIC, which is the Scorching. Ahem. — Tui T. Sutherland

You see, a man's... ahem... is shaped differently from a woman's..." Mama fluttered her hand. "... whatsit. And in the marital bed, he will wish to place his..." More hand fluttering. "... inside yours."
"His ahem goes in my whatsit."
"In so many words. Yes. — Tessa Dare

Something can be symbolic without being a mere stand-in or vessel, which just brings us away from the true mystery and dread, into some boring version of what we already know. So what you say is true, in that the bear is a kind of parallel to the speaker, or imagined as such, but also very different. So if it's a symbol it is - ahem - a polysemous one. — Matthew Zapruder

But - pardon me if I seem inquisitive - are you not all rather - ahem! rather unusual?" asked the Woggle-Bug, looking from one to another with unconcealed interest. "Not more so than yourself," answered the Scarecrow. "Everything in life is unusual until you get accustomed to it. — L. Frank Baum