A Unicorn Quotes & Sayings

Oh, come on, Ash, that smells like a unicorn fart. — Cara Lynn Shultz

Okay," I said slowly, "but what the hell would you mate a horse with to get a unicorn, because I don't see horses and narwhales doing the dirty boogie. — Jonathan Maberry

I had this dream about you. We went hunting up in the mountains and I caught a unicorn. You told me now I know how it feels to be you. — Crystal Woods

We were born in the '70s, back when twins were rare, a bit magical: cousins of the unicorn, siblings of the elves. — Gillian Flynn

Every time people give me presents, it just makes trouble."
He thought of his Naming Day party, and the gift from his Uncle Alfrin that had actually started all this. "Especially if it's books. Someone gave me a book as a present once."
"Then you'll know exactly what to do with these. Come on. Don't be shy. You'll hurt my feelings. — Mercedes Lackey

Is there a God? Who knows? Is there an angry unicorn on the dark side of the moon? — Edward Abbey

A unicorn in this magical star.

In my new home.

My ethereal home.

Saturna — Deepika Kumaaraguru

Whatever can die is beautiful - more beautiful than a unicorn, who lives forever, and who is the most beautiful creature in the world. Do you understand me? — Peter S. Beagle

A unicorn is nothing more than a big horse that comes to a point, anyway. Nothing to get so excited about. — Terry Pratchett

The only better thing than a unicorn, is a gay unicorn. — Lady Gaga

Why did they go away, do you think? If there ever were such things."
"Who knows? Times change. Would you call this age a good one for unicorns?"
"No, but I wonder if any man before us ever thought his time a good time for unicorns. — Peter S. Beagle

So you can sense her aura and stuff, right?" Kail asked as he got to his feet. "So anything I say about her not being a unicorn-- — Patrick Weekes

Am I really standing here, conversing with a bloody unicorn? Tiffy was certain her mind had finally left the building. — T.J. Loveless

it is a monstrous thing, to slay a unicorn — J.K. Rowling

He held out his elbow in a disingenuously gentlymanly gesture.
"How about we go and have some real fun?"
"What,shattering my one remaining fantasy wasn't enough?" Faeries didn't have wings and bordered on evil; pixies were dirty,feral, and tended to bite' and mermaids had neither glorious hair nor seashell bras. Now this about unicorns. Sometimes reality sucked.
"You can always chase the unicorn, if you want.Take it for a ride."
I shuddered at the thought and sat down, leaning my back against the tree and unzipping my coat. "No,thanks. — Kiersten White

Holly: Seriously, you don't like unicorns? What kind person doesn't like unicorns?
Justine: What kind of a person doesn't like zombies? What have zombies ever done to you?
Holly: Zombies shamble. I disapprove of shambling. And they have bits that fall off. You never see a unicorn behaving that way.
Justine: I shamble. Bits fall off me all the time: hair, skin cells. Are you saying you disapprove of me? — Holly Black

Men may sail the seas for a lifetime and seldom, if ever, come in contact with the nightmare monsters that inhabit the caves and cliffs of the ocean floor. Gazing down at the slightly muddy water, the men of The Unicorn saw a squirming mass of interwoven tentacles resembling enormous snakes, immensely thick and long and tapering at their free ends to the size of a man's thumb. It was a foul sight, an obscene growth from the dark places of the world, where incessant hunger is the driving force. At one place, down near the bulge of the hull, appeared a staring gorgon face with great lidless eyes and a huge parrot beak that moved slightly, opening and shutting as though it had just crunched and swallowed a meal of warm flesh.
("Fire In The Galley Stove") — William Outerson

'Unicorn Island' is the synonym for my happy place. It's a really beautiful message: that happiness is one of the hardest things you'll ever fight for, but it's the only thing worth fighting for. — Lilly Singh

I didn't love stickers and unicorns and stuff, but just if I were to ride on the back of a beast to work, I want it to be a frickin' unicorn. — Laura Benanti

If you can make a mechanical horse, why wouldn't you make it a unicorn? — A.W. Exley

Jewel the Unicorn] cried.- I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this ... Come further up, come further in! — Randy Alcorn

Advice to Young Poets
Never pretend
to be a unicorn
by sticking a plunger on your head. — Martin Espada

Don't be something you're not. Unless you can be a fabulous unicorn. Always be a fabulous unicorn. — PewDiePie

Usually i'd sit back and just enjoy the view for what it was because it's not often you come across something so ridiculously out of place, a girl like you, on the subway, it's like spotting a unicorn at the zoo.
I reasoned how to pull this off, to get you, to say hi, to ask your name, what your voice sounded like, if you had a cute smile because i like cute smiles. In ten minutes I had a thousand thoughts of you and you had no clue ... — Stephan K. Garcia

There's a unicorn in there bin hurt badly by summat. This is the second time in a week. I found one dead last Wednesday. We're gonna try an' find the poor thing. We might have ter put it out of its misery." "And what if whatever hurt the unicorn finds us first?" said Malfoy, unable to keep the fear out of his voice. — J.K. Rowling

She didn't know what a goji berry was, but it sounded like something Amazonian tribesmen might eat when they wanted to talk to their ancestors and embark on an inner voyage into some sort of unicorn-infested netherworld.
Whatever worked. — Lola Salt

The thing was, Colton was confident and self-assured, maybe even a little cocky, but he wasn't arrogant. He was like a unicorn. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Oh, well, you go to poor school." He gives a comic eye roll. "At rich school, we take notes on hundred-dollar bills using unicorn tears, and our grief is vastly different and more complex. — Delilah S. Dawson

I know exactly how you feel," Schmendrick said eagerly. The unicorn looked at him out of dark, endless eyes, and he smiled nervously and looked at his hands. "It's a rare man who is taken for what he truly is," he said. "There is much misjudgment in the world. Now I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so must I be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem, and hardly ever what we dream. Still I have read, or heard it sung, that unicorns when time was young, could tell the difference 'twixt the two - the false shining and the true, the lips' laugh and the heart's rue. — Peter S. Beagle

So what I want to know is why it is that I can no longer find you, in my mind. You are still there, just, but you are there like a ghost, a will o' the wisp. Not long ago you burned
your heart burned
in my mind like silver fire. But after that night in the inn it became patchy and dim, and now it is not there at all."
"Could it be that the heart that you seek is no longer my own? I have given my heart to another."
"The boy? The one in the inn? With the unicorn?"
"Yes."
"You should have let me take it back then, for my sisters and me. We could have been young again, well into the next age of the world. Your boy will break it, or waste it, or lose it. They all do."
"Nonetheless, he has my heart. I hope your sisters will not be too hard on you, when you return to them without it. — Neil Gaiman

Laughing, Bracken threw his sword aside and extended a hand towards the wizard. "To me," he said ... The unicorn horn lept from the wizard's hand and streaked to Bracken, who caught it effortlessly. In his grasp the horn immediately transformed into a sword ... — Brandon Mull

It is no shame to lose to me, mortal. Even among mythical creatures there are very few who can give a unicorn a good game. — Roger Zelazny

...as vivid and fabulous as a unicorn... — Anne Rivers Siddons

You could make friends with a possessed unicorn, couldn't you?"
"Probably so. We both fart rainbows. — Jamie Farrell

The mist hung in the air like a prancing unicorn. — Graham Joyce

Tirian, with his head against Jewel's flank, slept as soundly as if he were in his royal bed at Cair Paravel, till the sound of a gong beating awoke him and he sat up and saw that there was firelight on the far side of the stable and knew that the hour had come. "Kiss me, Jewel," he said. "For certainly this is our last night on earth. And if ever I offended against you in any matter great or small, forgive me now."
"Dear King," said the Unicorn, "I could almost wish you had, so that I might forgive it. Farewell. We have known great joys together. If Aslan gave me my choice I would choose no other life than the life I have had and no other death than the one we go to. — C.S. Lewis

I could eat a unicorn and pick my teeth with his horn! I'm absolutely famished. — Amy Harmon

Horse: Fuckin' knight in shining armor. Might wanna trade your bike in for a pretty pink unicorn to ride, seein' as you're such a special snowflake and all. — Joanna Wylde

I really am a unicorn?' I asked again.

'You think Janis and I escaped from an asylum, don't you?' she teased.

'I hope you're not,' I said, horrified at the thought of being turned into a lunatic like them. — Deepika Kumaaraguru

I know, and I do trust you, but when you said it was a surprise I thought you meant 'Here, Luce. I got you a unicorn.' not 'Here, Luce, jump in the river. — Jay McLean

Unicorn. Old French, unicorne. Latin, unicornis. Literally, one-horned: unus, one and cornu,a horn. A fabulous animal resembling a horse with one horn. — Peter S. Beagle

I never was taught how to go into a meeting and talk about a tour and how to plan a show, but seeing that side of things [about] someone who wants to be a Unicorn but has to now be a boss and navigate this is a really powerful and interesting story. — Lilly Singh

I am fit to capture a unicorn, and I should not be so questioned ... — Philippa Gregory

The dang thing kept trying to nuzzle me while I did my best to dodge it.So much for dramatic images of knights on unicorn stallions,too.This creature couldn't carry a child,much less a man in armor.Its head barely came up to my chest,which added a whole new level of discomfort to its continued nuzzling attempts. — Kiersten White

The unicorn lived in a lilac wood, and she lived all alone. She was very old, though she did not know it, and she was no longer the careless color of sea foam but rather the color of snow falling on a moonlit night. But her eyes were still clear and unwearied, and she still moved like a shadow on the sea. — Peter S. Beagle

Horse?" Gary snarled. The pretty unicorn act dropped immediately. Red sparks shot from his nose. "Did you just call me a horse? Listen here, you two-legged bag of shit. I'm not a motherfucking horse. I am a unicorn, and I am magic and a beautiful creature made of fucking sunshine and rainbows and good feelings. — T.J. Klune

Virgins are a rare breed anywhere, but at your age, you're practically a unicorn. — Heidi Cullinan

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys. — Tucker Max

Still, these days when I daydream about the movie, I don't think about the big picture. It's more fun for me to think of little things that would add to the movie. I like to think the powers that be would let me amuse myself with some small things in order to shut me up while they re-write the screenplay to turn Kvothe into a lesbian, shape-changing unicorn.
— Patrick Rothfuss

Float like a butterfly, sting like a unicorn ;) — T.J. Klune

The unicorn was gray and still. "There is magic on me," she said. "Why did you not tell me?"
"I thought you knew," the magician answered gently. "After all, didn't you wonder how it could be that they recognized you?" Then he smiled, which made him look a little older. "No, of course not. You never would wonder about that."
"There has never been a spell on me before," the unicorn said. She shivered long and deep. "There has never been a world in which I was not known. — Peter S. Beagle

sensational adventure of Mr Malcolm Guthrie of Braemore took the pages of many newspapers by storm. Even The Daily Mail of London devoted several lines to it in its column 'Bizarre'. However, because very few of our readers read the press south of the Tweed, and if they do, then only newspapers more serious than The Daily Mail, let us remind you what happened. On the day of the 10th March last year Mr Malcolm Guthrie went fishing to Loch Glascarnoch. While there Mr Guthrie happened upon a young woman with an ugly scar on her face (sic!), riding a black mare (sic) in the company of a white unicorn (sic), who were emerging from the fog and darknes (sic). — Andrzej Sapkowski

the last time I saw commercial laying hens administered hormones, they were given by a unicorn, and brought onto the farm by one of the giant alligators from the sewers. — Marc Draco

Another chunk of my childhood dreams had just run down the reality drain in the form of a horny unicorn, no less. — Allison Pang

You can paint it white and braid its mane, but at the end of the day, you can't turn an ass into a unicorn, no matter how much glitter and flowers you sprinkle on it. — Nicole Williams

If she had touched me," he said very softly, "I would have been hers and not my own, not ever again. I wanted her to touch me but I could not let her. No cat will. We let human beings caress us because it is pleasant enough and calms them - but not her. The price is more than a cat can pay. — Peter S. Beagle

You're approaching these men and relationships as projects. You can't fix assholes, baby girl. Move on and find a real man - one who doesn't come with an airplane full of baggage." "Do men like that actually exist? They sound like mythical creatures, even in our magical world. I'd probably have more luck finding a unicorn-shifter or dragon-shifter." Her — Melanie James

When you're dying, the unicorn up in heaven gets a note from an angel telling her there's a person who's going to need a ride up soon. The unicorn finds out what the person likes. Favorite foods and books, colors and activities, pets and games. She gets a room ready for him, or her, near people who she knows they'll enjoy being with, maybe other friends and family who have died before.
When the unicorn is done, she jumps off of heaven's perch, flies through the blue sky, around the clouds, over any rainbows, and down to the person. She's invisible to everyone. She patiently waits. When the person dies, she gathers them up on her back, using her hooves and horn. All of a sudden, they sit up straight and smile, they laugh, because they're on top of a unicorn and alive again. They hold on tight to her golden reins and the unicorn takes them to their new home, where they're happy. — Cathy Lamb

Is there n-nothing you can do?" Parmida asked, wiping her tears away with the heel of her hand.
The unicorn laughed softly. "She asks for a boon after shooting me in the ass. — Ash Gray

I had a naked incubus in my bedroom. With a frying pan of half-cooked bacon, and a hard-on. And a unicorn bite on his ass. Christ, this was turning out to be a weird morning. — Allison Pang

Can I ask you a question? You know with vampires and werewolves and goblins and things, is there any mythological creature that doesn't actually exist?"
"Of course," he replied. "The unicorn and the leprechaun would be would be the two main ones. The Loch Ness Monster isn't real, either, that's just someone called Bert. — Derek Landy

Gordian pays you to sleep with unicorn hunters. That's the definition of a whore. — Diana Peterfreund

Don't you love it that Prince doesn't use Twitter? Don't you think he's somewhere on a unicorn? — Bruno Mars

Yep. His epic good looks without succumbing to the adorable label had made him a man-unicorn in my mind. Or a merman. Or a Loch Ness Monstman. He was a mystical creature. — Penny Reid

If you want to write a fantasy story with Norse gods, sentient robots, and telepathic dinosaurs, you can do just that. Want to throw in a vampire and a lesbian unicorn while you're at it? Go ahead. Nothing's off limits. But the endless possibility of the genre is a trap. It's easy to get distracted by the glittering props available to you and forget what you're supposed to be doing: telling a good story. Don't get me wrong, magic is cool. But a nervous mother singing to her child at night while something moves quietly through the dark outside her house? That's a story. Handled properly, it's more dramatic than any apocalypse or goblin army could ever be. — Patrick Rothfuss

I was convinced that the Natural History Museum was missing only one thing: a unicorn. Well, a unicorn and a dragon. Also it was missing werewolves. (Why was there nothing about werewolves in the Natural History Museum? I wanted to know about werewolves.) There were vampire bats, but none of the better-dressed vampires on display , and no mermaids at all, not one - I looked - and as for griffins or manticores, they were completely out. — Neil Gaiman

My whole day has been a unicorn ride through a field of rainbows — Natalie D. Richards

FROM A WILD NIGHT'S BRIDE by Victoria Vane:
His gaze glued to the bed, Ned made a mechanical backward retreat to the center of the room where he had a clearer prospect of its crowning glory. His vision rose to the top of the headboard, to the heraldic shield seated betwixt the carved figures of a lion and a unicorn. His gaze slid with dread to the engraved scroll beneath. Dieu Et Mon Driot. God and my right, the motto of the king. His chest seized. The room began to spin. He looked to Phoebe, aware that the blood was draining from his face, and that his voice emerged as a strangled sound. "May the same God save me ... for I'm going to be hung, drawn, and quartered for spending last night rutting in the King of England's bed!" coming April 27, 2012 from Breathless Press — Emery Lee

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget. — Eoin Colfer

No, something far more mysterious has taken Felix. He has heard the unicorn." Like a performer, the cat gave a dramatic pause.
"Um," said Lionheart.
"You have no idea what I'm talking about, have you?"
"No, sorry."
"Mortals," growled the cat. — Anne Elisabeth Stengl

The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game . The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving." No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn. And I have never had one. — Erica Jong

The children were overwhelmingly morbid. Not a single adult asked me where butterflies go when they die, but this question was more popular than pixie sticks with the under-four-foot set. I cursed parents for not preparing their children. When I was five, my mother and sister sat me up on the kitchen counter and explained the facts of life: the Easter Bunny didn't exist, Elijah was God's invisible friend, with any luck Nana would die soon, and if I ever saw a unicorn, I should kill it or catch it for cash. I turned out okay. — Sloane Crosley

The only thing that would make her jealous would be if I led a parade riding a unicorn while ballerinas sang love songs. — Brandon Mull

I had My Little Ponies. I was obsessed with the idea of a creature that was born with something magical that sort of made them the misfit in the world of the stallion. I'm actually quite obsessed with unicorns. They are in essence a mythical creature. The unicorn is born magical and it's not the unicorn's fault and it doesn't make it any more or less special or any less unique but it can't help that it was born with that magic. — Lady Gaga

You are obvious, boy. You are difficult to miss. If you came to me in company with a purple lion, a green elephant, and a scarlet unicorn astride which was the King of England in his Royal Robes, I do believe that it is you and you alone that people would stare at, dismissing the others as minor irrelevancies. — Neil Gaiman

Jack laughed at my attempts to avoid being felt up by a mythical beast. "Apparently you're a virgin."
"Shut up!Like that's any of your business!"
He shrugged,the motion less effective upside down."Unicorns love maidens. Haven't you done any research at all?"
"What,you have?"
He flipped off the branch,startling the unicorn so badly it bolted from the meadow. Thank heavens. — Kiersten White

Balance. It's like a unicorn; we've heard about it, everyone talks about it and makes airbrushed T-shirts celebrating it, it seems super rad, but we haven't actually seen one. I'm beginning to think it isn't a thing. — Jen Hatmaker

I don't like the tone of your voice. Speak respectfully when you speak to me."
"La-dee-da, and ho-ho-ho! The day I speak respectfully to you, Christopher, will be the day you earn my respect - and that will be the day you stand twelve feet high, and the moon is at noon, and a blizzard blows in a unicorn ridden by a gallant knight wearing pure white shining armor, with a green dragon's head
perched on the point of his lance! — V.C. Andrews

He is my unicorn, though ... That's how I felt falling in love with him, as if I'd found a creature of myth. — Rivka Galchen

A unicorn is a donkey from the future — Joe Rogan

So this is what it's about? This is your mature response to go off into the mountains rather than talking about it and have s'mores with a gnome and a mountain man."
"Yep"
"What's your plan for tomorrow? Brunch with a unicorn? — Ilona Andrews

I briefly considered giving the Myerson kids the same lecture I'd given the other first graders on the playground:
Unicorns are man-eating monsters. They don't have wings, they aren't lavender or sparkly, and you could never catch one to ride without its goring you through the sternum. And even if it somehow managed to miss your major arteries - and it never missed - you'd still die from the deadly poison in its horn. But don't worry. My great-great-great-great-great-great-aunt Clothilde killed the last one a hundred and fifty years ago.
Except now I guessed it would be more like a hundred and sixty. How time doth fly in a unicorn-free world. — Diana Peterfreund

Earthquakes were extremely uncommon in this area. A dragon and a unicorn playing tag wasn't. — Robert Asprin

Be realistic with your expectations. I'd really like to cuddle a unicorn, but it aint going to happen. — India Knight

The minute that you bring a unicorn into a story, you know that it's a fairy tale or a fable, because unicorns don't exist as animals. They exist as fantasy creatures. — Gloria Vanderbilt

It's like finding a magical unicorn in a high school full of cattle. — Sara Farizan

He looked closely. It was very disconcerting to have your gay unicorn best friend studying your penis that intensely. Finally, he gave his verdict. "It's a very nice penis." "Thank — T.J. Klune

He is not a tame lion," said Tirian. "How should we know what he would do? We, who are murderers. Jewel, I will go back. I will give up my sword and put myself in the hands of these Calormenes and ask that they bring me before Aslan. Let him do justice on me."
"You will go to your death, then," said Jewel.
"Do you think I care if Aslan dooms me to death?" said the King. "That would be nothing, nothing at all. Would it not be better to be dead than to have this horrible fear that Aslan has come and is not like the Aslan we have believed in and longed for? It is as if the sun rose one day and were a black sun."
"I know," said Jewel. "Or as if you drank water and it were dry water. You are in the right, Sire. This is the end of all things. Let us go and give ourselves up."
"There is no need for both of us to go."
"If ever we loved one another, let me go with you now," said the Unicorn. "If you are dead and if Aslan is not Aslan, what life is left for me? — C.S. Lewis

The black unicorn was mistaken for a shadow or symbol and taken through a cold country where mist painted mockeries of my fury. — Audre Lorde

They were so comfy. But not anymore. Now I just want to burn them."
"Want to burn what?" Tom says, trudging into the kitchen, his hair all messy from sleeping.
"Her unicorn knickers," Elliot says.
"OK, clearly I'm still asleep and dreaming," Tom says, slumping down in a chair.
"So you're not actually naked in this video?" Dad says.
"Yep, definitely still dreaming. — Zoe Sugg

When someone told me I live in a fantasy land, I nearly fell off my unicorn. — Unknown

You don't understand!' Foaly objected.
Trouble cut him off with a chop of his hand through the air. 'I never understand. That's why we pay you and your dork posse.
Foaly objected again. 'They are not dorks!'
Trouble found space for yet another holster. 'Really? That guy brings a Beanie Baby to work every day. And your nephew, Mayne, speaks fluent Unicorn.'
'They're not all dorks,' said Foaly, correcting himself. — Eoin Colfer

There was no moonlight between the trees, but the unicorn glimmered and shone with a pale light, like the moon, while the girl herself glittered and glowed as if she trailed a dust of lights. — Neil Gaiman

That boy is sprung on you and he is a nice guy. A superhot, supersexy nice guy. Do you know how rare that is? He's like a goddamn unicorn. — Jay Crownover

She wasn't reading Deathly Hallows at all. Her book wasn't orange but rose and water and sand, and featured a kid on a broomstick and white unicorn. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. She didn't notice me staring at her. 'Oh, I envy you,' I thought, but was smiling for her. She had just begun. — Melissa Anelli

So quit looking for 'the one'. You have a better chance of finding an Oompa Loompa riding a unicorn, fighting Bigfoot. — Matt Chandler

Of all the various unpleasant ways to be aroused from a sound sleep, one of the worst is the noise of a dragon and a unicorn playing tag. Myth Conceptions by Robert Asprin — Robert Asprin

Don't watch Kroll Show if you don't have a Nielsen box. I honestly don't care. Feel free to DVR it and not watch it because that will somehow help my ratings maybe, but honestly I'm talking to the four of you with a Nielsen box. If you have a Nielsen box, like, who are you? Where do you live? How do I find you? You're a unicorn and I don't believe that you exist. — Nick Kroll

What is a unicorn without his horn?" (Antonella)
"A white horse?" (Adam)
Antonella smiled. "A very unhappy white horse. — Mark Mills

He knew what she wanted, and he wanted it, too; he was ready, but not, despite her gorgeousness, with Tiglah. Tiglah was not worth losing his ability to touch a unicorn. — Madeleine L'Engle