A Real Good Joke Quotes & Sayings

But no one wants to listen to our sad stories unless they are smoothed over with a joke or nice melody. And even then, not always. No one wants to hear a woman talking or writing about pain in a way that suggests that it doesn't end. Without a pat solution, silver lining, or happy ending we're just complainers -- downers who don't realize how good we actually have it.

Men's pain and existential angst are the stuff of myth and legends and narratives that shape everything we do, but women's pain is a backdrop- a plot development to push the story along for the real protagonists. Disrupting that story means we're needy or shellfish, or worst of all, man-haters - as if after all men have done to women over the ages the mere act of not liking them for it is most offensive. — Jessica Valenti

In your deliberations, when seeking to determine the military conditions, let them be made the basis of a comparison, in this wise: which of the two generals has the most ability? on which side is Discipline most rigorously enforced? which army is stronger? on which side are the officers and men more highly trained? in which army is there the greater constancy both in reward and punishment? — Sun Tzu

The older Mario gets, the more confused he gets about the fact that everyone at E.T.A. over the age of about Kent Blott finds stuff that's really real uncomfortable and they get embarrassed. It's like there's some rule that real stuff can only get mentioned if everybody rolls their eyes or laughs in a way that isn't happy. The worst-feeling thing that happened today was at lunch when Michael Pemulis told Mario he had an idea for setting up a Dial-a-Prayer telephone service for atheists in which the atheist dials the number and the line just rings and rings and no one answers. It was a joke and a good one, and Mario got it; what was unpleasant was that Mario was the only one at the big table whose laugh was a happy laugh; everybody else sort of looked down like they were laughing at somebody with a disability. The whole issue was far above Mario's head ... — David Foster Wallace

I never draw except with brush and paint ... — Claude Monet

How good are markets in predicting real-world developments? Reading the record, it is striking how many calamities that I anticipated did not in fact materialise.
Financial markets constantly anticipate events, both on the positive and on the negative side, which fail to materialise exactly because they have been anticipated.
It is an old joke that the stock market has predicted seven of the last two recessions. Markets are often wrong. — George Soros

Doing nothing about climate change is still a fairly common affliction, even in this day and age. What to do with those people, who are together threatening everybody's existence on this planet? Clearly we don't really think they should be blown up, that's just a joke for the mini-movie, but maybe a little amputating would be a good place to start?" [] "We 'killed' five people to make No Pressure - a mere blip compared to the 300,000 real people who now die each year from climate change — Franny Armstrong

It was a huge zoo, spread over numberless acres, big enough to require a train to explore it, though it seemed to get smaler as I grew older, train included. Now it's so small it fits in my head. — Yann Martel

The miser robs himself. — Johann Kaspar Lavater

Each action of the actor on the stage should be the visible concomitant of his thoughts. — Sarah Bernhardt

Do you know what my father used to say?" I ask her. "He used to say that songs had a heart. A crescendo that can make all your blood rush from your head to your toes. — Lauren DeStefano

Evangelicalism, as perhaps the strongest Protestant religious movement in the United States, relies heavily on marketing principles for its strength and growth, often intentionally segmenting its market, targeting specific populations, and using homogeneity to its advantage to create religious meaning and belonging and dense ingroup social ties. Although this evangelical vigor can and is used to address racial division in unique ways, the movement also, by its heavy reliance on racially homogenous ingroups and the segmented market, ironically undercuts many of its own best efforts. — Christian Smith

What is my religion? Simple. Kindness. — Dalai Lama

When I was younger, I always wanted to be a musician, a performer and an entertainer - but I never thought about becoming a poster or anything like that. It's pretty cool. — Ross Lynch

My mind stopped spinning as I was enveloped in waves of pleasure. Through half-open eyes, I saw fragments of the ancient room, the stone walls, the enormous wooden beams. I smelled history and ancient ground, war, and turmoil and worship. — Giselle Fox

God made a real good joke
but I am the Best Jokejacket:
Petra Hermans — Petra Hermans

A man who chooses not to read is just as ignorant as a man who cannot read. — Mark Twain

It might reasonably be maintained that the true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground. To be at last in such secure innocence that one can juggle with the universe and the stars, to be so good that one can treat everything as a joke - that may be, perhaps, the real end and final holiday of human souls. — Gilbert K. Chesterton

What I think I've been able to do well over the years is play with pain, play with problems, play in all sorts of conditions. — Roger Federer

Sunshine, you and Jake had sex, but trust me when I tell you, tonight's going to be your first time. The first time you know what it feels like for someone to own your body. The first time a real man makes love to you until you scream so loud the heavens hear you. And the first time you'll understand exactly what you mean to me. — K.J. Bell

We never know the issues others may be facing, and it isn't up to us to judge actions and behavior. — Stacy Keibler