David Sedaris Quotes

Its Funny How Certain Objects Convey A Message
My Washer And Dryer, For Example. They Can't Speak, Of Course, But Whenever I Pass Them They Remind Me That I'm Doing Fairly Well. "No More Laundromat For You," They Hum. My Stove, A Downer, Tells Me Every Day That I Can't Cook, And Before I Can Defend Myself My Scale Jumps In, Shouting From The Bathroom, "Well, He Must Be Doing Something. My Numbers Are Off The Charts." The Skeleton Has A Much More Limited Vocabulary And Says Only One Thing: "You Are Going To Die.

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