David Sedaris Quotes

In 2004,I Offered Priority (book)-signing To Smokers, The Reason Being That, Because They Didn't Have As Long To Live, Their Time Was More Valuable. Four Years Later My Special Treatment Was Reserved For Men Who Stood Five-foot-six And Under. "That's Right, My Little Friends," I Announced. "There'll Be No Waiting In Line For You." It Seemed Unfair To Restrict Myself To Men, So I Included Any Woman With Braces On Her Teeth.
"What About Us?" Asked The Pregnant And The Lame. And Because It Was My Show, I Told Them To Wait Their F***ing Turn.

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