N.M. Silber Quotes & Sayings

I wanted to develop some hobbies. So far, I hadn't really developed any, but I did have a growing collection of empty wine bottles. That could be a hobby. And I had bookmarked several articles on making your own soap. In case, you know, soap ever wasn't readily available. — N.M. Silber

Passion was part of what made us human. I wanted to be more than just a lawyer. I wanted to be a human too! — N.M. Silber

Facebook page likes don't read books. — N.M. Silber

I would rather be a real Timex than a fake Rolex. — N.M. Silber

Gabrielle?"

"Yes?"

"I also like you." I wanted to throw down my phone, jog the two blocks and throw myself into his arms.

"Yeah, well I like you too even if you do put my clients in jail. See you later Mr. Prosecutor."

"See you later Ms. Saucy Mouth. — N.M. Silber

Knock-offs may look good, but they never last as long as the real thing. — N.M. Silber

Well, first of all, hello, I'm Lance Jennings and I'm an actor," he explained to the judge, sounding like he was doing a public service announcement. "I was hired to do promotional work for the Bucket O' Chicken restaurant. I was not informed that I might be verbally abused and attacked in the street!"

"Objection. Nonresponsive," Braden interrupted.

"Get to the point, Mr. Jennings!" Judge Channing admonished.

"I was simply playing my role out on the sidewalk when a cretin with dreadlocks began calling me a murderer. Like I killed the damned chickens myself! I don't even like chicken!"

"He called you a 'murderer'. Did he threaten you in any way?" I asked with a glimmer of hope. Maybe I could at least build a record to support a defense for trial.

"Yes! He asked me how I would like it if someone lopped off my leg and served it with gravy! I was in fear for my life!" There went the glimmer. The chicken was a ham. — N.M. Silber

I just tried one where my client claimed he was urinating in a back alley. Turns out he was jerking off on a street corner. The prosecution had twenty-one witnesses. They were nuns." She looked pained.

"I understand," I said gently, patting her on the back. — N.M. Silber

You've slept with Gabrielle?" Adam asked. "You haven't slept with her too, have you, Mark?"

"No!" Mark answered.

"Good, or I would have felt really left out. — N.M. Silber

Hey baby, do you want to hold my Whopper? — N.M. Silber

Just you, Lily. Give me your hand," he said, taking one of his off the wheel and glancing quickly at me."
"Why?" I asked suspiciously.
"Because I want to arm wrestle. Because I want to hold it, you nutty broad. Why do you think?" I reached out and grabbed his hand and he squeezed mine gently. — N.M. Silber

Holy freaking moly! Harvard really was well endowed! — N.M. Silber

I need to get out more. I'm sniffing the prosecutors. — N.M. Silber

Fine. Will you thrust your turgid manroot into my dewy petals? — N.M. Silber

Ms. Ginsberg. I wonder if you can help me. I have a legal question," Felicity Mason said. Great. I hated giving out free legal advice at parties, but at that moment, I would have drafted her will in crayon on a cocktail napkin to get away from Cole. — N.M. Silber

I like good smut, — N.M. Silber

The music came on and I was amused to hear Pitbull singing Mr. Right Now. — N.M. Silber

Braden! How the hell are ya?!" said the guy with the teeth, grabbing Braden's hand and pumping it up and down almost frantically. He looked like a demented Ken doll.

"You're looking quite dashing tonight, Braden," said the cold-looking woman in an even colder voice. "Isn't he, Felicity?" she asked the sullen young woman. I had never seen a more inappropriately named person in my life. She would have made Wednesday Addams look like Doris Day. — N.M. Silber

Well, I'm going to try. Better to practice on somebody else's kid first."

"Before what?" he asked, cautiously.

"I was just joking." Suddenly, I felt very defensive.

"You're sure your pill is working, right?"

"Yes! Don't worry, If I ever wanted to have a baby it doesn't have to be with you," I said, sensing rejection and fighting back.

"Well, who in the hell would it be with?" he asked, sounding irate.

"I don't know. I don't have a crystal ball."

"I've got news for you, Lilith. If you're going to be bearing anyone's children, they'll be mine," he said heatedly. Suddenly, the baby started crying.

"Now look what you did," I chastised. "You made him cry."

"I didn't make him cry. A shitty diaper made him cry. Now you want to take this on, I'll take it on with you. Bring him over here," Adam demanded, storming off with the diaper bag. — N.M. Silber

And this is your close friend, Drew?" he asked looking at Mark...

"Good buddy... Just hanging out here. Doing guy stuff."

"Talking about women. And sports. And beer. And uh..." Mark added.

"Condoms," Drew added and I rolled my eyes. Brilliant. — N.M. Silber

I want more than a one-nighter with a meal plan. — N.M. Silber

Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" "Oh, who?" he asked, pausing. "Oh Adam?" "That's more like it. — N.M. Silber

I was incapable of producing
anything coherent at the moment so
rather than throwing out some witty
banter in response I said something like
"Ohgaahaad" instead. Feel free to quote
me. — N.M. Silber

Just flirt with him and see what happens - those were famous last words if I ever heard them. — N.M. Silber

Jesus, Gabrielle! Are you having a seizure?!"

"Please please please can I keep him mom? I promise I'll take care of him! Oh baby, I'll take care of him!"

"Good lord. She's finally gone around the bend. Can I have your Manolos when they come to take you away? — N.M. Silber

Holy shit! That dog had my vibrator! — N.M. Silber

I hated giving out free legal advice at parties, but at that moment, I would have drafted her will in crayon on a cocktail napkin ... — N.M. Silber

Do you want to fuck me, Adam?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"Is this a trick question? — N.M. Silber

Well, we need to make sure we don't frighten him off. We'll approach him very slowly and speak in quiet gentle tones. Put on some nice perfume and let him sniff you. — N.M. Silber

Daddy? We're the parents of a Chihuahua?" "You never know what the future holds. It would be good practice." "For when we had puppies? — N.M. Silber

Mr. Harris had three boxes of Melba toast, a can of smoked oysters, a wheel of Gouda cheese, two bunches of grapes, a package of smoked salmon, a can of sardines, a bottle of sparkling grape juice and a can of cocktail weenies in his pants. I simply ask you to please use common sense. Thank you. — N.M. Silber

Do you know why the characters in my book look like us?"
"Pure coincidence?" he asked with a smile.
"Because I was fantasizing about us doing all those things together when I wrote it."
"Are you trying to make me cry? — N.M. Silber

I have a penis," Josh announced out of the blue, pointing down into the water.

"That's because you're a boy," I explained sagely.

"Does Uncle Adam have a penis?"

"Oh yeah," I said with a smile. Adam looked up at me and tried not to laugh.

"Does Elmo have a penis?"

"Uh, well..." He had stumped me. — N.M. Silber

I wanted to be distracted by thinking about someone when I should be thinking about something else. I wanted to wonder what someone else was doing at that moment, and if they ever wondered what I was doing. If they ever thought about me when they woke up. Or before they went to sleep. The way I thought about them. I wanted THAT. — N.M. Silber

I'm not adorable," I said, feeling unreasonably irritated. "Chipmunks are adorable. I'm empowered. — N.M. Silber

I want to have hot, sweaty, monkey sex with you. Okay, perhaps that's too candid. — N.M. Silber

I'm going to write a book about an intelligent woman who does stupid things when it comes to men. I'll call it, "My Memoirs. — N.M. Silber