LIZ Quotes & Sayings

I will not calm down! Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards. — LIZ

When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy. — LIZ

In my experience, 'let's think about it' usually ends up as me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night. — LIZ

I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money. — LIZ

Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old. — LIZ

Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch. — LIZ

I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn. — LIZ

You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do. — LIZ

You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel? — LIZ

I love Gwen Stefani's style, I think she's dope. — LIZ

My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season. — LIZ

I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider it erotica. — LIZ

I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues. — LIZ

I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff. — LIZ

I support women. I'm like a human BRA. — LIZ

It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad. — LIZ

My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico. — LIZ

You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless. — LIZ

Life is about learning new things and relearning old things. — LIZ

Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing. — LIZ

Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich. — LIZ

I grew up around a lot of boys - all my friends on my street were boys, so I was the only girl for a while hanging out with them. I have a little bit of a tomboy aspect; I love to be comfortable. But, I do have a sexy girly side as well - I just love sportswear. — LIZ

Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor. — LIZ

Thanks, it's my own recipe. I use cheddar cheese instead of water. — LIZ

I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men! — LIZ

Nothing like a good rib tickling read like Fifty Shades of Grey — LIZ

Just need to rave for a moment about the scrubbing cleanser ... I have only ever found one (chemical filled) product that REALLY cleans my shower/tub, until now. The Ava Anderson scrubbing cleanser is amazing! Cleans the toughest dirty spots and smells absolutely delightful. LOVE IT! — LIZ

I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks? — LIZ

There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory! — LIZ

If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one. — LIZ

God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again. — LIZ

Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance ... and for my heart rate. — LIZ

You wanna party? It's $500 for kissing and $10,000 for snuggling. End of list. — LIZ

I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before. — LIZ

I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs. — LIZ

I got into songwriting because I'm not very good at communicating sometimes, just my true words, so music was always my way of expressing myself and being able to put things into lyrics that I couldn't say necessarily in my everyday life. — LIZ

I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust. — LIZ

Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi. — LIZ

If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down. — LIZ

I have many, many voices. I talk to my dogs like in the strangest voices you can imagine. — LIZ

One of my New Year's resolutions is to say 'yes!' Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more! — LIZ

OK, here's a little bedroom tip: Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave beforehand. That way when you're done, you have a treat. — LIZ

Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on. — LIZ

Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains? — LIZ

Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn't mean I don't love America? — LIZ

We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get. — LIZ

All the pain on the outside can not undo what is felt on the inside. — LIZ

If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself. — LIZ

Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along? — LIZ