Kevin Nealon Quotes & Sayings

Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness. — Kevin Nealon

I don't smoke pot or cigarettes, so inhaling smoke as a non-smoker - it doesn't matter what it is, it's going to make you lightheaded. — Kevin Nealon

I don't mind seeing two guys kissing, you know, as long as they're clean-shaven. — Kevin Nealon

I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor. — Kevin Nealon

What happened was, I always wanted to be a singer/songwriter kind of guy like a James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash type of thing; I went to a lot of coffee houses and used to watch all those guys, but I never had the nerve to get up and do it because singing seems so personal and intimate to me. It was too revealing. — Kevin Nealon

Standup really is a young man's game, a single young man's game. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't single, it was hard to be on the road because you go through relationships because your girlfriend kinda got tired of you being gone. — Kevin Nealon

I was born in St. Louis; I lived there for three weeks and then my father graduated from St. Louis University, so we all got in the car and split. I don't really remember much. I grew up in Connecticut most of my life and then four years in Germany. My father worked for a helicopter company, so we went over there. — Kevin Nealon

Any time you do an Adam Sandler film, it's kind of like a boys' club, because you're hanging out and there are guitars around, and basketballs and footballs and electric bikes and scooters and different people dropping by. — Kevin Nealon

I went to school for marketing and advertising, so I have a special interest in good and funny commercials and why they work and why they're funny - which is one of the reasons I, like many people, like watching the Super Bowl, besides the game. — Kevin Nealon

As an actor, you're always reading scripts looking for something good. — Kevin Nealon

A whole generation of people that didn't know me from 'SNL' recognize me from 'Weeds' now. People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!' — Kevin Nealon

It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold! — Kevin Nealon

When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.' — Kevin Nealon

As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit. — Kevin Nealon

I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn't see that as a job description anywhere. — Kevin Nealon

I think Little Nicky was a divergence from the films Adam Sandler was used to doing, and he was taking a risk. I admire him for doing that. — Kevin Nealon

I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them. — Kevin Nealon

They say that moving is one of the most stressful things in life. Death in the family is the second most stressful, and moving your dead spouse is the third. — Kevin Nealon

I enjoyed living in New York City, I liked the premise of the show [ Saturday Night Live], I liked working with a different host every week and different musicians. I always thought, "This is great. I never expected to get this in the first place, so I'm just happy being here." — Kevin Nealon

I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish. — Kevin Nealon

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals. — Kevin Nealon

Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty's gown just blew off! — Kevin Nealon

I'd been doing some light-beer commercials for Budweiser and Coors, and I was doing stand-up comedy. I wanted to get into the acting world, and my agent sent me on audition and they liked it. — Kevin Nealon

I look back at 'Saturday Night Live' and I think, some people didn't like me doing 'Weekend Update.' Who cares? A lot of people did. When you're reaching that many people, you're not going to have everybody like you. — Kevin Nealon

As you get older, subconsciously you start thinking about mortality and protecting your offspring. It opens up a whole new avenue of life experiences. — Kevin Nealon

Saturday Night Live was a show that I never thought I would be on, because I didn't do sketch comedy and I didn't do impressions. I was a stand-up. — Kevin Nealon

I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me. — Kevin Nealon

The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining. — Kevin Nealon

Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled. — Kevin Nealon

When I would see my friends with their kids, I was envious that you can use children to get out of just about anything. If you don't feel like going to a dinner party, you could say, 'My kid's sick. I can't make it.' Who's gonna argue with you? — Kevin Nealon

It's kind of fun when you're playing characters that aren't quite on the up and up and people still like you. — Kevin Nealon

The Outer Limits was one of those shows I grew up watching - that and The Twilight Zone. — Kevin Nealon

When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn't understand that world. So when 'Weeds' took off, I was so happy. Especially as I was just a guest star in the pilot. But once it got picked up, they made me a regular cast member. — Kevin Nealon

Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want. — Kevin Nealon

I never really got into marketing. I went to school for it, but never pursued it once I got out. Instead, I went to Europe for about two months, just traveling around in youth hostels and Eurail trains with my friends. — Kevin Nealon

You really have to be ambitious and have that drive to really become well known and successful as a standup. — Kevin Nealon

Me and Conan O'Brien and Robert Smigel and Dana Carvey wrote a script called 'Hans and Franz: The Girlyman Dilemma,' and it was going to be co-produced with Arnold Schwarzenegger, and he was going to co-star in it. We had a deal with Sony, we got paid to write it, and it was a musical, but it never got made because ... I think Arnold kind of backed out at the last minute because he was getting cold feet because ;The Last Action Hero' had come out, where he was parodying himself. But it was a really funny script, and I wish it could've seen the light, because I think it would've done really well. — Kevin Nealon

I remember the first date I ever went out on. It was in high school. Her name was Marguerite. She was kind of a heavyset girl ... I took her out on one date. We went out for dinner and a movie and a dinner. — Kevin Nealon

I've noticed a surge when I go out somewhere, or if I'm doing stand-up. — Kevin Nealon

I loved working on 'Happy Gilmore' because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past. — Kevin Nealon

The ethical argument regarding abortion hinges on the question of when life begins. Some believe life begins at forty. — Kevin Nealon

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far. — Kevin Nealon

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. — Kevin Nealon

When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley Myron Handelman and people like that. And then, for every comic, you develop your own style after a while. — Kevin Nealon

"Bruce" was an Eddie Murphy film, so there was a whole different vibe, working on that film, as opposed to working on a [Adam] Sandler film, which I'd done a few of. First of all, there were tons of kids running around. I'm surprised I ever had a kid after doing that film. — Kevin Nealon

A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter - I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages. — Kevin Nealon

I was never really an impressionist. If there was somebody within my range, maybe I could work on it and do a little exaggeration of them - which I think is really the way to do an impression. — Kevin Nealon

It seems like all the sitcoms on now, the families are kind of dysfunctional. — Kevin Nealon

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes. — Kevin Nealon

If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said. — Kevin Nealon

I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time. — Kevin Nealon

The good thing about Weeds now is, I get to play some dramatic parts in that as well. — Kevin Nealon

Roxanne came along in '86, when I was doing a lot of stand-up. I auditioned for the movie, and of course I was a huge Steve Martin fan, so I really hoped I would get this part. I don't think there was any part in particular that I auditioned for. I just went in and talked with them. There were so many parts in there, and so many comedians ended up getting in that movie, playing different firemen and townspeople. — Kevin Nealon

It is unconscionable for children in our prosperous country, or anywhere for that matter, to go without food. I implore everyone to contact their local and state representatives to encourage action to end hunger. — Kevin Nealon

The hardest thing about moving to California from Connecticut was just missing my family. If I went back, it would be just because I was homesick. — Kevin Nealon

It's tough getting older. You start falling apart, you know? My gums are starting to recede now. You can't tell tonight, though, 'cause I comb them forward. — Kevin Nealon

I am whelmed, and not overly whelmed, just whelmed about a lot of facets in life - just how fragile life is and the different challenges you have in life, phobias about things. — Kevin Nealon

I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game ... ' But then there's always another and another and another. — Kevin Nealon

I tried to read the Bible, I did, but it always felt like a much less awesome Lord of the Rings. — Kevin Nealon

Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses. — Kevin Nealon

When you discover that you are going to have a child, it stirs up memories of your own childhood. — Kevin Nealon

I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version. — Kevin Nealon

There's so many vegetarian foods now that are available at the market . The same with drive-throughs. Now, a lot of them serve veggie burgers just like the restaurants are doing. So, it's really very easy. — Kevin Nealon

I see the love in my child's eyes when he sees me, and I know it's gigantic. As an older person, I've been in love before, and I've loved, but this is really an immense, out-of-control-proportion amount of love that you can't even describe. — Kevin Nealon

I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper. — Kevin Nealon

I like to stuff myself at Thanksgiving, not turkeys. — Kevin Nealon

If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit. — Kevin Nealon

Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing. — Kevin Nealon

A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material. — Kevin Nealon

I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate. — Kevin Nealon

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push. — Kevin Nealon

I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they're very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage. That's one of the reasons people watch the Super Bowl. A lot of them watch it to see the commercials and not the actual game. — Kevin Nealon

I played a security guard, and I think it was in the State Department. This was my first acting role, really, and I remember rehearsing it on the couch with my girlfriend at the time. I had a real problem with saying the word "incendiary." Most of my rehearsal was spent on pronouncing the word "incendiary." — Kevin Nealon

Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering. — Kevin Nealon

When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together. — Kevin Nealon