Jonathan Dunne Quotes & Sayings

Except that, very rarely, when the sun shines on her in the same way the sun's rays light up the inside of Stonehenge once a year, Jack finds Ruthy mesmerising. — Jonathan Dunne

My old man always told me never do anything during the day that will keep you awake at night. — Jonathan Dunne

Thank you. This kimono was handmade by the Chinese silkworms themselves, I'm led to believe. — Jonathan Dunne

What do you read for pleasure?
Kama Sutra. — Jonathan Dunne

Maybe blow-up dolls invaded Ireland during the Dark Ages, landing in the bay here. They raped the men and pillaged the women, adopted the children to imprint their rubbery ways on them, turning them into blow-up orphans. Hence,' she concludes, 'Dollymount Strand. — Jonathan Dunne

I wish this country was run by children — Jonathan Dunne

Gonzo, the enlightened hippy-biker island god, was a hermit in every sense of the word; a hermit crab and this island was his shell. — Jonathan Dunne

A pipe? A pipe?! Your mother would turn in her grave if she knew she'd spawned a daughter who smokes a pipe! Your poor mama was a pure lady. Prim and ladylike. She smoked menthol cigarettes, now that's feminine. — Jonathan Dunne

Humour is my best defence, so humour me. — Jonathan Dunne

See this Swiss army knife, Lawless! It's gotta magnifying glass and a million blades but I only need one, so step right the fuck back! — Jonathan Dunne

If mysterious means a bunch of freaks being brought together by a freak car-accident, then, yes, God does vork in mysterious vays' declared the eldest Russian Doll. — Jonathan Dunne

Earth is such a sweet 'n sour place, thought Gonzo, puffing on his seaweed roll-up, and he knew that if aliens did exist, then they'd probably only stop to avail of this planet's toilet facilities on the intergalactic highway. — Jonathan Dunne

Everest is a big, pretentious name for a new-born. But would Dympna have named her only son Everest if she had known that he would be a fat albino boy? The comparisons with the snow-covered mountain peak are startling, to be fair. — Jonathan Dunne

The closest Apollo had ever come to expressing an interest in the opposite sex was the door signs of public bathrooms. — Jonathan Dunne

Yes, Cabbage: prison diplomacy. It's called offering the newcomer a very warm welcome. You can tell Mares that I made lots of friends at two in the morning on the first night and continued making friends in the back of the laundry room and if I didn't make friends there they would shove me into an industrial tumble-dryer and spin me around a few times until I was dizzy enough to make lots of friends at the same time. — Jonathan Dunne

Marvin wasn't a beat-box gangsta-rapper-bitch, but a stressed invalid in a town not equipped with ramps. — Jonathan Dunne

Nicky, the van's on fire!'
'Fuck the van, Willy! We got ourselves a prodigy child! — Jonathan Dunne

The Russian Dolls would sue a snowman for sexual harassment if they thought the sun would stay away. — Jonathan Dunne

I'll buy Chiquita bananas with your smoking-fund money cos this monkey is our future. All hail the monkey! — Jonathan Dunne

She is the clock-guardian. I was thinking about getting a German Shepherd, but they don't blow fire. — Jonathan Dunne

So how do you know she was a mermaid if you didn't see her bottom half? — Jonathan Dunne

My son's got the I.Q. Of a robot but I don't have the dough to send him to school. — Jonathan Dunne

Revenge is a dish best served cold but Mama prefers to serve it with hot gravy, potatoes, and roast turkey. — Jonathan Dunne

Instead of leaving on a gas-guzzling generator all night, Mama and Papa make a killing by making hard 'n fast love like a couple of blinded down-'n-out mixamatosis rabbits with nothing to live for. — Jonathan Dunne

You think road-kill is poetry! — Jonathan Dunne

Father has a fear of flying since that aeroplane crashed into his bedroom. — Jonathan Dunne

Everest, son, remember when I told you that asking questions is a sign of weakness? — Jonathan Dunne

Why can't people just be happy and live? — Jonathan Dunne

But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore. — Jonathan Dunne

Be careful of what you wish for because sometimes it just might come untrue. — Jonathan Dunne

Your body isn't really yours, Jackie boy. Your body is mine and I'm claiming squatter's rights. — Jonathan Dunne

And that's the best thing about this crazy journey: I am forgetting that I'm an old man instead of the Alzheimer's reminding me by forgetting — Jonathan Dunne

Lately, their love had been reduced to yellow emojis. — Jonathan Dunne

Time will always have the answer in the end, whether you like that answer is immaterial to Time because it tends not to keep friends. — Jonathan Dunne

I try to dig deep into my memory vault but my memory fault is all I find. — Jonathan Dunne

With admirable vigour, Everest, the obese pasty kid, begins listing the world's serial killers in alphabetical order. 'Jeffrey Dahmer; Charles 'The Axe' Eden; Freddy 'The Fox' Flanagan...' Steadily advancing through the monsters, jowls redder and redder as he refuses to breathe. If ever Queen B thought that her sister had secretly dropped her son on his head during one of her binges, then it's now, even his albino eyes are glowing red. — Jonathan Dunne

And before you make any judgments, that time you were trying out your king-size with the sales assistant doesn't count as getting a man into bed. — Jonathan Dunne

A chimpanzee is not the same category as a capuchin - chimps are half-human. I need a chimp and his name is going to be Bertie. — Jonathan Dunne

Mama, rest in pieces, used to call it Dada's hibernation because sometimes people don't wake up from a coma. — Jonathan Dunne

Payback takes many forms but from the business-end of a Christmas turkey isn't a form I would've bet on... — Jonathan Dunne

They had taken see-no-evil and had made it their own by adopting a state sanctioned Orwellian see-no-evil policy — Jonathan Dunne

The only time we stopped having nightmares was while we slept. — Jonathan Dunne

Unicorns are for those who aren't content with the wonders this world holds...not that I've seen any of it. — Jonathan Dunne

Sometimes I regret going into that public toilet with your father.'
'Then practice safe sex, Mama!!'
'We were! There was a fight in the bar and we took cover in the public toilets!! — Jonathan Dunne

I don't believe he was made in China, but I do believe he is disposable. — Jonathan Dunne

I've shrunk but I haven't lost my colour — Jonathan Dunne

Seeing his daughter slowly die, coupled with his infinite sadness and misery, the clockmaker becomes a recluse to the tower of the castle and begins to build something behind closed doors, not even his daughter knows what he's up to. For five years, she only sees him briefly at meal-times before locking himself up in the tower once again..."

"...Did he have a bathroom in the tower?"

"Yes, Jack. A big one! En-suite! Power-shower and spa! Where was I!? — Jonathan Dunne

I don't see hair when I see your mohawk. I see attitude. — Jonathan Dunne

Sarah is a mirage after all; an oasis in this arid, amnesiac, desert mindscape. I fear if I get too close she too will turn to dust. — Jonathan Dunne

I recall when this place was a good 'n honest community hall with a great sense of place and pride but now it's just a hall and fuck the community. — Jonathan Dunne

Why did you call me Jack of Hearts?'
'Because you like to gamble girls' hearts and play them close to your chest. — Jonathan Dunne

I met a few chimpanzees on my pilgrimages and I wasn't sure if they were just shrivelled-up villagers or chimps... — Jonathan Dunne

In that brief kiss, Arthur's demigod had abandoned him. — Jonathan Dunne

You're wrong about one thing: fairy-tales do exist. Millions of existing parents read existing fairy-tales every night from existing books to kids who, funnily enough...'
'... exist, yeah, I know. I mean it's fantasy, not reality. — Jonathan Dunne

Ruthy's got the curves of the Scalextric he had once gotten for Christmas. — Jonathan Dunne

The circus is the perfect business right now because parents want their kids to be kids and not Charley Bucket drinking cabbage soup all day. — Jonathan Dunne

Opposites attract, mom.'
'Yes, but in your case, darling, it is hydrogen and oxygen, and we all know what happened the Hindenberg.'
Just in case their daughter wasn't aware of the ill-fated zeppelin, Lambert clarified: 'This too will end in flames. — Jonathan Dunne

My old man always told me to retrace my steps, but what's the point if I can't remember where my feet are, let alone my footsteps... — Jonathan Dunne

Watching copulating dung-beetles is exciting if you drink enough Red Bull, Jack. — Jonathan Dunne