Janeane Garofalo Quotes & Sayings

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy. — Janeane Garofalo

I was a 36C or D, and at 5' 1', I knew that being a small person with big boobs standing in front of an audience was not going to be easy. It would be really hard to get people to pay attention to me without mocking me. Getting a breast reduction to prepare for my career was no different from people who work to get good grades to get into a good college to get into a good graduate school to get a good job. I went down to a B cup, and it was the best thing in the whole world. — Janeane Garofalo

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first. — Janeane Garofalo

Listen, young people, I understand narcissism - clearly. But at least I have the decency to hate myself. And that's what's missing from the young people. They don't have the debilitating self-loathing and the second guessing. — Janeane Garofalo

Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!" — Janeane Garofalo

What has Iraq done to us? — Janeane Garofalo

Without liberals we wouldn't have unions. We wouldn't have environmental protections. We wouldn't have seat belts or birth control or the ACLU! Any of these things! — Janeane Garofalo

I'm a walker. I enjoy walking, which I think psychologically expresses my feelings of wanting liberation without exerting myself too much. — Janeane Garofalo

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking. — Janeane Garofalo

Leaving your ears open to the suggestions of others only closes the mind's eye, thereby creating a type of spiritual glaucoma. — Janeane Garofalo

I love a nice cooking show. It's as aesthetically pleasing as any other thing that tempts the senses, I suppose. — Janeane Garofalo

Until as women we all say, No! We are not going to starve ourselves, nothing is going to change. We're our own worse enemies sometimes but I still blame men. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't think that the administration is being particularly honest with the American people about what this is going to cost in life and in dollars, what the dangers are, retaliatory strikes, once it happens. This is not a war that needs to happen immediately, if ever. — Janeane Garofalo

Listening to your tape, I was reminded of this poem. It has the central question: Is it harder to count on someone or to know that you're being the one counted upon? Anyway, there's this part that goes: if equal affection cannot be, then let the more loving one be me. Have you ever read that one? It's one of my favorites. — Janeane Garofalo

I've seen other comics, with great pleasure, watching their own specials, and I don't know how or why they do it. — Janeane Garofalo

This world is bullshit. And just because I appear in music video wherein I am in my underwear, and make young women feel not good enough so that they become anorxeic; and okay, maybe because of that I became popular more quickly than other singers who are, I don't know, maybe more talented or better songwriters. That doesn't matter because, and ... um ... my boyfriend is a magician, and he can pull a quarter out of your ear and say things like 'We have not met before have we?' Go with yourself. — Janeane Garofalo

I can do most anything and not have a problem with it. The only time I have negative attention is when I run naked through the streets brandishing a handgun. — Janeane Garofalo

You know, there's nothing more interesting than seeing a bunch of racists become confused and angry at a speech they're not quite certain what he's saying. — Janeane Garofalo

When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.' — Janeane Garofalo

Pedestrian's rights - because we live in California, I've got to address this issue. I don't know where on the fence I am about that. I suppose if I'm walking, I'm all for it, but if I'm driving, that's a whole other can of worms. — Janeane Garofalo

There is no blacklist. In the first place, in the entertainment business, money talks, bullshit walks. So Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins won't be blacklisted because they are bankable stars. In the second place, if you are a woman, the only things you're going to be blacklisted for in Hollywood are body fat and aging. — Janeane Garofalo

The term 'celebrity' makes my skin crawl. — Janeane Garofalo

Yes, I think lots of people are eager to obtain weapons of mass destruction. But there's no evidence that he (Hussein) has weapons of mass destruction. There's been no evidence of him testing nuclear weapons. We have people that are in our face with nuclear weapons. We've got Iran and North Korea. We've got a problem with Pakistan. You know, I don't know what to say about that. There's a whole lot of people that are going nuclear. And I think that Saddam Hussein is actually, with the evidence, the least able to use nuclear weapons and the least obvious offender in that area at this moment. — Janeane Garofalo

I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle. — Janeane Garofalo

I remember the old Times Square from when I was younger, and there was a seedy thrill to it. Some of that is gone, which I have a little bit of nostalgia for. — Janeane Garofalo

Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film. — Janeane Garofalo

Boy, does that give you street cred for years after, if you tell people you were on 'The Larry Sanders Show!' — Janeane Garofalo

TV, it's a director's medium, and they wanna make it look interesting. To be rehearsing mostly for the sake of where you're standing so they can do the lighting, that's what I don't like. — Janeane Garofalo

It's mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about. — Janeane Garofalo

So, apparently, if you are a pre-sentient mass of cells, this country will protect you and your rights to the n-th degree. If you have made the mistake of becoming an Iraqi citizen, apparently we can just drop bombs on you with impunity. — Janeane Garofalo

Last night, I went to a birthday party, and this girl brought a cake and a cheesecake. And the other girls that lived in the apartment, I swear to God, all night long: 'You're taking that cake with you when you go. That cake's not staying in this house.' Like it's this evil, Hope Diamond, nuclear, horrifying cursed thing. — Janeane Garofalo

Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back. — Janeane Garofalo

When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is trying to marginalize the peace movement. — Janeane Garofalo

I would say just in general, in life, I'm more willing to be animated as a person, and so obviously onstage as well. — Janeane Garofalo

I feel bad that people think that "feminism" is a dirty word. I don't understand that at all, I'm proud to be labeled a feminist. I consider myself a person who has throughout my entire life stood up for myself. It's never been my ambition to be someone who takes a backseat to anything. I'm not a male basher at all. I divide people into assholes and non-assholes, and that's genderless. I encounter sexism everyday. — Janeane Garofalo

I despise in others my own characteristics. — Janeane Garofalo

A lot of the hate mail I get is clearly misogynist. I am a proud liberal, feminist woman, and the hate mail I get about those three things is not about me. — Janeane Garofalo

I truly believe a woman's weight is a political issue, and if one young woman out there can see me and not feel crummy about herself, that's a good thing. — Janeane Garofalo

People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children. — Janeane Garofalo

I would say that, unfortunately, the word liberal has been redefined over the last 30 years as if it is a bad thing. But liberalism is a great American philosophy. Being a liberal is one of the best things you can be. I don't think they get a fair shake at all in the conservative mainstream media. So maybe there's some intimidation there. — Janeane Garofalo

To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting. — Janeane Garofalo

I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal. — Janeane Garofalo

A war is going to destroy our economy even further. It's going to be a threefold humanitarian disaster. — Janeane Garofalo

Anybody who French bashes just might as well wear a badge that says 'I am a follower! I don't think for myself and I have no idea what I'm talking about.' That would be a French basher. — Janeane Garofalo

Here's what the right-wing has in, there's no shortage of the natural resources of ignorance, apathy, hate, fear. As long as those things are in the collective conscious and unconscious, the Republicans will have some votes. — Janeane Garofalo

There's been times when I have actually had sex indoors. And then you kind of sober up a little when it's over. I become like a bartender at 2 AM. OK, people, let's move it out! Yeah, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here. — Janeane Garofalo

We're our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't really have a theatre background at all. — Janeane Garofalo

I think I failed miserably on NewsRadio. I was very nervous because of the caliber of the cast - especially Dave Foley - so I think I did a terrible job. — Janeane Garofalo

My hell is going to be the stairmaster wing of Dante's inferno, where they're gonna tape my feet to the pedals and the only music I get is Michael Bolton karaoke style. — Janeane Garofalo

You can't have cinema by committee if you're trying to do it well. — Janeane Garofalo

I'm not specifically attached to anything other than trying to, in my personal life, fight against where I see right wing thinking. Whether it be around my dinner table or on the street or somebody reading the New York Post. — Janeane Garofalo

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't. — Janeane Garofalo

I would prefer to be well-liked in any and all situations. — Janeane Garofalo

I'm a sucker for any guy with an accent with any kind. — Janeane Garofalo

It is not crazy to think that powerful people do some pretty horrible things. And maybe they get out of hand. Maybe it just gets away from them. It snowballs. — Janeane Garofalo

Also, as I've gotten older and more mature, I've become much more comfortable in my own skin. After 25 years of doing stand-up, that's reflected onstage. — Janeane Garofalo

I have yet to meet very many people in the press who are really, truly interested in writing a good story or getting at the truth. Most press people, when they come into an article, have an angle that they want already, so they need points to support that angle, whatever the angle may be. — Janeane Garofalo

Silence does not equal patriotism. Obedience is not the American way. — Janeane Garofalo

You just did a whole read-through. The lie that brought us into war was that Iraq was a threat to us. Well, now it is a threat. Now it is a terrorist hotbed. The fiction is now reality. And now we have to deal with it. It was an attempt at a corporate takeover. This was about oil. It wasn't about human rights. It's not about human rights. — Janeane Garofalo

Rejection kills, disappointment only maims. — Janeane Garofalo

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns. — Janeane Garofalo

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off. — Janeane Garofalo

As actors, it is our responsibility to read the newspapers, and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion. — Janeane Garofalo

Not that I was ever an asshole but I used to be much more of a bulldozer. — Janeane Garofalo

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in. — Janeane Garofalo

I'm sorry for being me. I won't ever do it again. — Janeane Garofalo

I mostly get takeout, I have to admit - I don't know if that's something to be ashamed of. I'm not much of a cook. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't hate myself, as a general rule. I'd say the best way to describe it is that I have moments of self-loathing at fairly regular intervals. — Janeane Garofalo

Sometimes people say I'm a political comedian, which, actually I'm not. I'm a comedian who sometimes discusses politics, culture - again, the word 'politics' to me is just life. — Janeane Garofalo

Let's put it this way: I don't have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours. I don't understand why, in entertainment, the hours are as long as they are. It seems like everything takes forever, and no one can tell you why, exactly. — Janeane Garofalo

Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up. — Janeane Garofalo

I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day. — Janeane Garofalo

Herman Cain is probably well-liked by some of the Republicans because it hides the racist elements of the Republican Party, conservative movement and tea party movement. People like Karl Rove like to keep the racism very covert and so Herman Cain provides this great opportunity so he can say, 'Look: This is not a racist anti-immigrant, anti-female, anti-gay movement. Look: We have a black man.' And look he's polling well and he won a straw poll. — Janeane Garofalo

Anthony Weiner deserves to be supported and hopefully he will be mayor of New York one day. I'm serious. He is a Democrat [who] actually fights for the things liberals and progressive and rational people care about. I don't know why he's being thrown under the bus. He hasn't done any - he hasn't broke any laws, — Janeane Garofalo

There is no way any rational, reasonable person can say
that the Bush Administration has been good for America. — Janeane Garofalo

You young people with your twittering and your creating of content. Or what is it - queefing? I don't know what you young people are calling it. — Janeane Garofalo

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person. — Janeane Garofalo

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth. — Janeane Garofalo

You can tell a lot about a person by how excited they are to do the Macarena. — Janeane Garofalo

I was thrilled to work opposite Carl Reiner and Robert De Niro. Mr. Reiner was very chatty and delightful, but I learned that if you want Robert De Niro to like you, don't speak at all, and he'll be friendly to you. — Janeane Garofalo

Sometimes the critics review me harshly for not being critical of government but it's not me who has said I was political. — Janeane Garofalo

But let me ask you this though, first and foremost: who's your favorite Spice Girl? Mine is Sporty Spice and I'll tell you why. You know what? She might not be as aesthetically pleasant as the rest but she'll do a backflip and steal your heart. — Janeane Garofalo

You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative. — Janeane Garofalo

Nobody ever starts out to make a mediocre, commercial film. You always think it's going to be something. And then, once you're done with your shooting, you have no control. You're just done, as an actor. — Janeane Garofalo

It's been hard in entertainment as a 45-year-old woman to find jobs. They get fewer and far between if you're older, unless you're one of the few lucky ones who work constantly, like Meryl Streep. — Janeane Garofalo

You know George W. Bush is a war-time president, he says - proudly. Guess what. War is failure! When you are at war, you have failed! When you have gone to a war of choice and lied about it, you're a double-triple, triple-quadruple failure! Or a warlord. It's called a warlord in other countries. A war time president here. One man's ceiling I guess is another man's floor. George Bush is a warlord. He's a failure! — Janeane Garofalo

He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled. — Janeane Garofalo

I'm not a cook. I like to watch the Food Network, but I don't like to cook. — Janeane Garofalo

You have to have a lot more dedication to what I'll call 'the machine,' ... I have 20 percent dedication. What's needed is 110 percent. You can't have it with the level of apathy I have. — Janeane Garofalo

How is it that this debate has been twisted on its head, that somehow those that advocate peace and diplomacy are anti-American? — Janeane Garofalo

The reason a person is a republican is because something is wrong with them. Again, that's science - that's neuroscience. You cannot be well adjusted, open-minded, pluralistic, enlightened and be a republican. — Janeane Garofalo

The media is supposed to be custodians of the facts and watchdogs of government. They have, for the most part, neglected to be either of those things. — Janeane Garofalo

[Conservative talk radio hosts] have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian. — Janeane Garofalo

If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. The diagnosis is what gets you. You just have a don't ask, don't tell policy with any and all bodily functions. — Janeane Garofalo

I am not a person that is particularly tethered to fashion, which I think is obvious to anyone who's seen me. — Janeane Garofalo

The right, like Pat Buchanan and Rush Limbauggh, use women and the black man and the Hispanic immigrant and the gay man as a scapgoat for society's ills. They pretend it's about traditional family values, but that's a bullshit phrase that means nothing to me. They like to use us all. They use pro-life as a way to hate women and slam women, dressed up in the nobility of saving unborn fetuses. I think it's just misogyny. — Janeane Garofalo

We got married drunk in Vegas ... We dated for a year, and we got married at a drive-through chapel in a cab. [We thought] you have to go down to the courthouse and sign papers and stuff, so who knew? We were married, and apparently now that [Rob] is getting married for real, his lawyer dug up something. — Janeane Garofalo

Sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship. — Janeane Garofalo