Frank Muir Quotes & Sayings

The glances over cocktails That seem to be so sweet Don't seem quite so amorous Over Shredded Wheat — Frank Muir

It has been said that a bride's attitude towards her betrothed can be summed up in three words: Aisle. Alter. Hymn. — Frank Muir

Some breakfast food manufacturer hit upon the simple notion of emptying out the leavings of carthorse nose bags, adding a few other things like unconsumed portions of chicken layer's mash, and the sweepings of racing stables, packing the mixture in little bags and selling them in health food shops. — Frank Muir

Hotel tea is when you have to mix together a plastic envelope containing too much sugar, a small plastic pot of something which is not milk but has curdled anyway, and a thin brown packet seemingly containing the ashes of a cremated mole. — Frank Muir

The speeches to be wary of are those that begin with I'm just going to say a few words. — Frank Muir

Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me! — Frank Muir

The golden rule when reading the menu is, if you cannot pronounce it, you cannot afford it. — Frank Muir

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humour is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude. — Frank Muir

Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner. Tactics is getting her to drink it. — Frank Muir

A golf ball is white, dimpled like a bishop's knees, and is the size of small mandarin oranges or those huge pills which vets blow down the throats of constipated cart-horses. — Frank Muir