Earl Wilson Quotes & Sayings

Mathematics-a wonderful science, but it hasn't yet come up with a way to divide one tricycle between three small boys. — Earl Wilson

The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise. — Earl Wilson

Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money? — Earl Wilson

The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election. — Earl Wilson

Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done. — Earl Wilson

Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents. — Earl Wilson

Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas. — Earl Wilson

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking. — Earl Wilson

A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance. — Earl Wilson

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt. — Earl Wilson

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure. — Earl Wilson

A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie. — Earl Wilson

Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. — Earl Wilson

Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air. — Earl Wilson

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic. — Earl Wilson

Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect. — Earl Wilson

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break. — Earl Wilson

This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten. — Earl Wilson

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings. — Earl Wilson

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it. — Earl Wilson

Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure. — Earl Wilson

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense. — Earl Wilson

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full. — Earl Wilson

Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back. — Earl Wilson

Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty. — Earl Wilson

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death. — Earl Wilson

An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes. — Earl Wilson

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough. — Earl Wilson

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills. — Earl Wilson

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves. — Earl Wilson

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. — Earl Wilson

Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back. — Earl Wilson

If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey. — Earl Wilson

He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone. — Earl Wilson

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten. — Earl Wilson

He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone. — Earl Wilson

Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex. — Earl Wilson

To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible. — Earl Wilson

Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously. — Earl Wilson