David W. Earle Quotes & Sayings

Under this aura of perfection he knows how flawed he really is but his intact denial system keeps this awareness suppressed in the far recesses of his mind. — David W. Earle

Change is hard, difficult, painful, and often messy — David W. Earle

When someone obtains peace and serenity, this shines a bright spotlight on others' own unhappiness making their discomfort even more apparent. — David W. Earle

When we leave this life, we only get to take two things: the love we received and the lessons we learned. — David W. Earle

If we want to improve, first we have to recognize our own maladaptive coping skills, called codependency, then change. — David W. Earle

What are humans meant to do; why are we here? Are we a mutation on the earth destroying its host? Are we a cancer destined to kill what supports us? I think not. So exploring this question is a powerful exercise in meaning; what is the meaning of human existence? — David W. Earle

The strange part about a person's lack of trust is that it often comes from not trusting themselves. — David W. Earle

Consider letting go of the barriers between yourself and others, let go of the definition our culture has inflicted upon us and allow the best part of ourselves to connect with the wondrous parts of others. Allow yourself to connect in a deeper and more profound way. — David W. Earle

Shame is a powerful feeling. There is a tremendous difference between making a mistake and believing you are a mistake...If I don't see myself as being a mistake then it is I who must take responsibility and I am not ready to accept that. — David W. Earle

When you journey inwardly exploring yourself, a sense of personal trust begins. — David W. Earle

Children naturally believe without question and absorb knowledge at an incredible rate; since there is no other frame of reference; they believe their parental reality, true or false. — David W. Earle

This woman's size protected her
from the hurts of the world
but it also imprisoned her soul.
As the merry-go-round revolved, she ate another French fry,as a silent scream frozen on her face. — David W. Earle

...the state of perfection is an elusive goal; demanding something so obscure as almost unattainable and can become a compulsive, crazy making squirrel-on-a-wheel way of living. — David W. Earle

As a little boy, when I would get angry, my mother would say, "Count to ten." Try as I might, I could not make this advice work for me. By the time I reached the number ten, I was madder than when I started! — David W. Earle

Listing someone else's faults is taking someone else's inventory, and usually starts conflict. — David W. Earle

When we are not connected with our emotions, we are not connected to ourselves. — David W. Earle

No matter how I want things to stay the same, no matter how discomforting change can be, I am stuck with the certainty that all molecules vibrate; all things are in constant motion; and change will happen. I can either accept that truth or suffer depression when I do not accept the reality that surrounds me. Change is constant; I am not the same person today as the person who put his head down on the pillow last night. Iron Mask — David W. Earle

Thinking about anger in positive terms is alien in most people's experiences. However, a healthy expression of anger is a component for building and maintaining successful relationships! — David W. Earle

Often, we will stay in a miserable status quo until the misery finally exceeds the resistance to change. True wisdom is seeing the future: what will happen if change does not happen? — David W. Earle

Others hide from being real by filling the air with words; the more words they throw out, the less actual communication happens and they are left with only an illusion of connection. This is the intimacy they so ardently seek but with these coping skills find so elusive. — David W. Earle

Wounded parents often unintentionally inflict pain and suffering on their children and these childhood wounds causes a laundry list of maladaptive behaviors commonly called codependency. These habits restrict people to love-limiting relationships causing much unhappiness and distress. — David W. Earle

Addiction is a "shitty" disease — David W. Earle

When you wear a mask, you are not real. — David W. Earle

Since children from dysfunctional families are so good at judging others, they also judge themselves finding themselves unacceptable when compared to others, always assuming they are second best, not enough. This is a painful realization so often they hide behind righteous arrogance. — David W. Earle

Only then can I fly.
Only then can I be free -
when I
let go of me. — David W. Earle

Her screams are heard across generations who dared not scream
and died without joy,in silence and isolation. — David W. Earle

Strong feelings associated with an event can keep memories alive forever. — David W. Earle

People pay a dear price when not dealing with the powerful emotions. — David W. Earle

Other people feel love when we listen without judging and accept them without demanding change. We all desperately require these basic needs. When we can do this for another, we are indeed that person's angel. — David W. Earle

When face to face with our demons our destiny is in reach. — David W. Earle

When I looked at myself through the prism of awareness, great tears came as I connected with how this wounded child felt. — David W. Earle

Families living in dysfunction seldom have healthy boundaries. Dysfunctional families have trouble knowing where they stop and others begin. — David W. Earle

Black and white thinking limits understanding and feedback, two necessary ingredients for successful resolution in creative conflict and successful understanding. — David W. Earle

Everyone needs a place to be honest. — David W. Earle

If one wants to be loved
and return it full score
dagger of silence
closes the door. — David W. Earle

We violated each other's boundaries with verbal missiles of anger disguised in the pretense of "just kidding. — David W. Earle

Children have empty erasable white boards upon which big people write indelibly imprinted messages into their tender subconscious minds. — David W. Earle

Boundary violations are deeply experienced. — David W. Earle

The more judgmental a person is the sadder they are. — David W. Earle

Crossing the Ring of Fire is..moving from the emotional shutdown of numbness through the flames of fear and entering into the healing arms of change. — David W. Earle

Honoring your word is the fiber from which trust is built. — David W. Earle

This imbalance causes resentments within the over-responsible and dependency with the irresponsible person and this dynamic becomes the destructive life-pattern not conducive to happy families. — David W. Earle

What is the largest addiction in the world? Looking good and being right! — David W. Earle

There are two ways of thinking. One is living life based on fear. The other is trusting. Letting go and allowing trust to control our lives takes mental gymnastics. — David W. Earle

To be free to roam our own consciousness and be responsible for ourselves, a letting go process is required. We have to let go of how others define us; what damaging messages remain from childhood; how others define our relationship with the creator; and what expectations they may have for us. — David W. Earle

Swirling in a squirrel cage of perpetual motion, the head-committee meets, argues, votes out the guidance available from emotions, and successfully keeps serenity at bay and chaos close at hand. — David W. Earle

Before the magic of recovery, I thought a perfect weekend involved hiding from myself with all the distractions life provides. — David W. Earle

My prayer is an attitude of pure gratitude for having the opportunity to experience life on this earth with all its pain, heartache, worry, and turmoil; coupled with this gratitude is the thankfulness for just having the opportunity to have lived. That is fairly easy on good days but difficult when life puts rocks and boulders in the road. — David W. Earle

When I learned about the gray existing between the black and white of absolute terms, I began to experience more peace. The more I expanded my gray areas (more than 50 shades), the more peace I experienced in my life. — David W. Earle

Our minds have a great capacity for deception. This does not mean we are necessarily dishonest but if we are not careful, when our brains do not have answers, our minds will create them. — David W. Earle

War on Drugs...will only be won when we point our thumbs at ourselves and ask the hard question: "How am I contributing to this problem? — David W. Earle

Anger has two benefits: it provides a warning and the necessary energy for change. — David W. Earle

If one looks at a balancing scale putting "fear of change" on one side and "status quo" on the other, they are often in balance. Change is hard. We tend to accept our condition and no matter how painful, we will not change until the balancing scale is tipped - only when the discomfort becomes greater than the fear of change does the scale tip. — David W. Earle

Reality may not be what you want it to be, but it is the reality you now must face. You can deny this reality and try to wish it away, or you can accept it and not waste any energy on wanting it to be different. — David W. Earle

Mature adults gravitate toward new values and understandings, not just rehashing and blind acceptance of past patterns and previous learning. This is an ongoing process and maturity demands lifelong learners. — David W. Earle

If there were two doors, one labeled, Door to Happiness, and the other labeled, Committee to Study How to be Happy, most of us would attend the committee meeting. — David W. Earle

With improved coping skills forged through my midlife crisis, I now listen first and do not control, and I allow these now adult children to come to their own conclusions about what they want for their lives. — David W. Earle

Your feelings do not lie to you;
however, they may be based upon a false thought,or a true thought, or based upon incomplete information. — David W. Earle

Acceptance is the most beautiful word in any language; this beautiful concept can only exist when you allow other people to be who they are and do not imprison them with your definition of what is right, proper, correct, or other limiting criteria. Decreasing the black and white in your thinking allows for an expansive area of gray, allowing you to live your life and others to live there life. Acceptance sets us all free! This simple change of thought creates a wonderful space for happiness to thrive. — David W. Earle

I, like you, was not depraved or defected before birth but created to be magnificent, a wonderful and freeing realization - simple but explosive. — David W. Earle

Often self-love is replaced with self- loathing, compounded by beating ourselves up. We become experts at putting ourselves down, judging ourselves, and finding fault. This creates deep shame that says "I am a mistake" instead of saying "I made a mistake. — David W. Earle

Granted, anger can be misplaced and is often destructive, but anger generates passion, and that energy, if used correctly, can be highly constructive. — David W. Earle

As a parent who raised his children in dysfunction, I know the parental wounds my children received were not intentional; often they were my best expression of love, sometimes coming out sideways, not as I intended. — David W. Earle

Anger can enslave us, or it can provide freedom, all depending upon how it is used. — David W. Earle

Being able to say, "No," is a necessary ingredient in a healthy lifestyle. — David W. Earle

Controlling others is the cornerstone of dysfunctional families. — David W. Earle

Change is threatening to the status quo. — David W. Earle

Embracing doubt is sometimes threatening, as we fear losing our faith if we explore our doubts. Following that thought, if one loses one's faith, then as some religions dictate, that individual cannot enter heaven. Since heaven is the reward of an earthly existence, doubt becomes the enemy of this reward. — David W. Earle

It was His gentle voice who called
and sent His angel pain to guide me,
through the long 'n dusty corridors,
and empty hallways of my soul. — David W. Earle

Change will not successfully happen unless the emotional component is solved. — David W. Earle

People build defenses around a weakness, not around strength. Where self-esteem is strong, a defense is unnecessary. — David W. Earle

People do not build a defense around a strength but around a weakness. Regardless of the magnitude of this mighty defense, part of the addictive personality desperately wants to escape. — David W. Earle

Being real is being true to you. — David W. Earle

Many of the habits of dysfunctional families use are not from the lack of love but are the result of fear. Knowing the love-limiting habits and behaviors of dysfunctional families is a wonderful beginning to lower the fear, allowing us to be real, allowing us all to learn how to love better. — David W. Earle

I looked into the face of addiction and it terrified me! — David W. Earle

From our behavior, we obtain certain results, and these results reinforce our beliefs. — David W. Earle

Chaos limits the free-flow of love and becomes a roadblock to what family members want most and sadly, it becomes the normal for the family. — David W. Earle

When one person attempts to "fix it" for the other person, the connection of acceptance is snapped and the sender and receiver miss an opportunity for understanding. — David W. Earle

The more one moves toward change, the more desperate one becomes and despair increases. The natural reaction is to hide as far away from pain as possible and as much as possible, numbing the associated emotions. — David W. Earle

Why would God create a defective product? Why would a God who gave me free will require any certain belief? Why would a God powerful enough to create the universe need me to justify His existence? Why would He want me seeking favor with Him to manipulate my entrance to some afterlife? — David W. Earle

They sought the pain they knew so well and called it love. — David W. Earle

Codependency is a learned set of behaviors, thought processes, and habits. When combined together, they fit a very loose definition. All people exhibit these traits to some degree, but some of us allow them to dictate our relationships with others and ourselves. — David W. Earle

You did not invent these family habits. Your family is like mine, for thousands and thousands of years our families have embraced a dysfunctional lifestyle, passing these habits as gospel on to subsequent generations. This was not done out of malice, spite, or hate, but what they knew best. As ineffective as these habits are, you never stopped to consider another way of loving. — David W. Earle

Until I face the emptiness in my soul
and know this spirit within me,
I have not yet begun to live,
nor touched the face of God. — David W. Earle

Late one night, during a toss-and-turn fretful sleep, I pondered my crisis. No solutions were on the horizon. I, again, wasted my psychic energy with prayer. Nothing. No angel on a white cloud. No rainbow's pot of gold. No way to control the people I loved. As I rolled over and put the pillow over my head attempting to block all that was negative, I silently screamed for rescue. Then, in a far away and distinct part of my brain, a small voice said, "You have to do this on your own."

I thought, "Was that the best You can do?" This god, to whom I was desperately sending burnt offerings of my own humiliation, couldn't send an avenging angel or a wise man imparting wisdom? All You can give me is this feeble message of abandonment? At that moment, I quit believing in that god. — David W. Earle

World's definition of success
material validation of self
cold and naked substitute
for inner warmth and beauty. — David W. Earle

Oh, because you're an alcoholic." Only when I heard those words did it filter through my own denial. Only then did I gain understanding. — David W. Earle

Since the discovery of the fermented grape, humans have experienced the pain and the frustration of addiction. — David W. Earle

Boundaries represent awareness, knowing what the limits are and then respecting those limits. — David W. Earle

Is God like the Greek god, Zeus, sending down lightning bolts to cause catastrophic events? Does God decree when tragic or untimely deaths occur? Does God have a list and when your time is up, you die? Is it "God's will" these events happen? On the other hand, do tragic events happen because of laws of nature or the law of averages? — David W. Earle

Putting labels on others creates a black hole of disregard where judgment thrives and schisms deepen. — David W. Earle

For example, I can doubt that 2 + 2 = 4; however, my doubting does not change the equation. When I test out that formula and find that it is true, then that becomes my reality. How can anything become real until it is tested in the crucible of doubt? — David W. Earle

The more dysfunctional, the more some family members seek to control the behavior of others. — David W. Earle

When anger is used correctly, it can have positive results! — David W. Earle

We can be safe and live with other defined truths exemplified by a capital "T" or we can change and with our limited time experience truth with a small "t," seeking our own understanding, which can change with new awareness. — David W. Earle

When life beats us down, we often do not feel worthwhile to ourselves nor to anyone else. Often, we try to hide our feelings of inadequacy in pursuit of perfection, which develops into self-loathing. If only we can be perfect, then we can be okay. — David W. Earle

The more severe the dysfunction you experienced growing up, the more difficult boundaries are for you. — David W. Earle

Teenagers can spot hypocrisy a mile away and here I was telling them how to cope when they witnessed the shambles of my own life and how I was living. — David W. Earle

For many years, I searched for this connection outside of myself but always to no avail. It was only when I turned inward did I find this power. — David W. Earle

It is one thing to know about your dysfunctional habits but quite another to change them. — David W. Earle