Darshana Suresh Quotes & Sayings

Your name
fit into my mouth
better than my own ever has.

Like I was
born to speak it. — Darshana Suresh

don't you see how
hard speaking is for me?
how hard
breathing is?

don't you see that
I'm a negative space
cut from the
universe and
when you ask
me to breathe
i am trying to
will myself
into
being? — Darshana Suresh

I want you to see me
and I know that I've never known
how to make myself visible before. — Darshana Suresh

Two oceans away, a boy is falling in love.
Next door, another boy i just falling.
One is laughing, one is crying -
both are screaming. — Darshana Suresh

Every autumn I
take myself into my arms
and kiss my palms
for making it through another
year. — Darshana Suresh

The sky this evening bloomed
like a broken purple flower,
like a ripped-in-half and
colour-bleeding-everywhere
flower, like a lavender only
just discovering what it means
to be a lavender.

Like a lavender only just discovering
how to fit into itself. Only just
discovering what it means
to be alive.

We are like this, too. — Darshana Suresh

I've only ever leapt away
when happiness approached -
a deer caught in headlights,
or maybe a dog with its
leg bleeding in a trap. — Darshana Suresh

When someone shows me even the tiniest bit of kindness my entire soul still twists towards them. A sunflower searching for the sun. A hatchling keening for its mother. I — Darshana Suresh

as though talking
should be something
that comes to me
as easily as breathing
i went home that day
and cried for hours,
beat my fist against
the mirror until
the glass
ran together
with my tears. — Darshana Suresh

For every second you thought you wouldn't make it.
For every second you didn't want to make it.
You made it.
Thank you for existing (so beautifully). — Darshana Suresh

Distance: the space between my
heart & my body.

The night called and said, 'find
your way out now', and I'm trying.

I'm still trying. — Darshana Suresh

Her staring at you like you hung the stars in the sky when she thinks you're not looking. Like the moon is made up of every breath that leaves your chest. This — Darshana Suresh

SO HERE'S THE TRUTH:
I DON'T KNOW
I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE — Darshana Suresh

And the stretch-across-your-entire-face smile?

From the people around me. Despite the
lonely, despite the sadness, despite the anger
their smiles make the hearts Aphrodite left
behind beat faster / louder.
They make my heart beat in my chest again. — Darshana Suresh

The messages pile up,
The worry knocks at
my door, louder & louder.
More calls from the therapist.
Pills that should have been
taken lie scattered across the floor.
The moon taps at my window.
Stars spell out their concern.

I pretend I do not see. — Darshana Suresh

The lonely? Where's that from?

Sadness' best friend. Sadness brought
it along and I couldn't turn it away, so
I let it multiply in my pulse instead. — Darshana Suresh

You know, I can't leave when I'm
not
actually here in the first place. — Darshana Suresh

Love is the way your body fights to keep you alive. Day — Darshana Suresh

in my dreams i know what
to do with my hands.

i do not lock them up in a
cardboard box. i do not lock
myself up
in a paper house too ready to catch on fire. — Darshana Suresh

The children want to destroy this hungry, angry,
growing thing in them, but it's becoming
harder to separate that thing from who
they were Before.

So they live with it / become better at hiding it /
start pretending that the year it all went wrong
never really existed.

It's easier that way, anyway. — Darshana Suresh

I understand the need to convince others you're okay before you can
believe
it yourself. I understand you can never really believe it
yourself,
but everything in your body relies on you trying anyway. — Darshana Suresh

i am too small
for this love,

i am too small
for my
own skin.

somedays i wake
and cannot
find myself
in my
body anymore. — Darshana Suresh

i'm sorry that
'okay'
has become
such a
foreign
concept. — Darshana Suresh

Tell me about the Love. Like stepping into sunlight. Like catching moonbeams in your hands. Like — Darshana Suresh

I'm crying.
The man on the moon
touches my cheek and says,
'it's okay.' He says,
'you did it. You're doing it.'

I say, 'no, no,
I'm not okay.'

The moon holds my hands,
softly.
Like a mother.

But you're here,
it says.
You're here. — Darshana Suresh

Tell me about how no one looks at you like art so you have learnt to treat yourself like a masterpiece. — Darshana Suresh

I just don't feel like me anymore,
&
it's not fair to answer the phone
when
the person they're looking for is
no longer
in this body, when the girl they
all used
to love looks more wolf than girl
now. — Darshana Suresh

There are so many good things
in this world,
and every one starts and
ends in your eyes. — Darshana Suresh

A HOW-TO ON DISAPPEARING

No one understands the way we break.
Not jagged. Not knife sliding between ribs.
Not the spine, cracking.

That would be too easy.

That would be being able to know that
you're broken. That would be X-rays
showing the gaps, the fissures.
Clean breaks are easier to heal.
We do not break cleanly.

We break without breaking.
Not a crack, but a fog.
We dissipate.
Body here one moment and
not here the next.

Hands working one moment and
a dead weight the next.

We watch ourselves turn
colourless. Watch ourselves
become invisible / invincible.

This way, at least the pain is our own.
That's what I wanted all along, I guess. — Darshana Suresh

She asks me how my heart is,
and I say, 'beating.'
That's never the answer you want, and I am sorry about that. — Darshana Suresh

I'm sorry I flinch when you say
you care.
Sorry I turn myself bullet
when you try to touch my hand,
sorry I go wolf when
you give me broken teeth. — Darshana Suresh

Where did you get your sadness from?

I picked it up on the side of the road. It
was bleeding and scratched and keening
like a mangled thing, but it looked too
beautiful for me to just walk away. — Darshana Suresh

I'm writing the chapter where
you're still in love with me,
but then the chapter ends &
I turn the page. — Darshana Suresh

My body has always been
a question mark,

never quite knowing what it
means

to be alive. — Darshana Suresh