Dan Bergstein Quotes & Sayings

You can tell I don't like this book, because I drew in it. And that's better than anything else that's in this book. — Dan Bergstein

Carlisle says Siobhan's super power was the ability to do whatever the hell she wanted. I swear, that's what Carlisle says. Her super power was the ability to will something into existence. Siobhan wanted the vampire Maggie to stick around with her and Liam, and, POOF, Maggie did, all because Siobhan wanted it. Dr. Cullen theorizes that Bella has a similar power. She's not acting like a typical newborn vampire because Bella decided not to be a typical newborn vampire.
That thud you heard was my brain trying to make a run for it and slamming into my skull. Also, you may hear soft weeping. I'm still crying. — Dan Bergstein

For some reason, Bella doesn't want to scream. I guess she doesn't want Edward and the others to know how much pain she's in. But don't for a minute think this makes her a strong character. If anything, it makes her weaker, because she's so afraid of upsetting Edward that she's willing to suffer horrible pain without making a peep.
A strong character would remain silent during an interrogation, when speaking or screaming would give the enemy the upper hand. Keeping quiet because you don't want your boyfriend to feel sad isn't a sign of strength. It's pathetic. — Dan Bergstein

You can add some class to it by sealing it with wax. This makes me feel like I'm a Baron sending a letter to the Duchess. Look at that sophistication. — Dan Bergstein

Chapter Twenty-Four: Surprise
Better Title: Oh My God! I Hate Everything About This Book! I Want To Kill It With Rocks! AGH! — Dan Bergstein

I like the idea of Warrior Flitwick running to save the day by screaming, Let's do some charm harm, my snitches! — Dan Bergstein

There's a small moment in this chapter when Bella wants to practice fighting techniques with Emmett, but Edward won't let her.
Emmett is here? Hi Emmett! Hey Emmett, according to Google Maps, you live 2,931 miles away from me. If I don't make any stops for food or fuel, and sit on a pile of absorbent kitty litter, I can make the trip in 48 hours. So I can be there by Sunday or Monday. Oh ... hey, did you know Monday is Valentine's Day? That's super weird, right? Didn't plan that at all. I swear. OK, see you then!
Anyway, Bella wants to practice with Emmett but Edward says no. Huh? Not only does Edward refuse to teach his wife basic self-defense, but she can't even learn some tips from The Pain Maker? Why? I dare you to explain this. I double wolf dare you. — Dan Bergstein

When life gives you food accessories, you turn them into Omega Trophies! — Dan Bergstein

It's not that I'm weak, it's that I'm scared of most things. — Dan Bergstein

It's curling ribbon, but you don't have to curl it. You don't have to do everything the ribbon tells you to do. Don't live your life like that. — Dan Bergstein

After swimming to France, Carlisle went to some universities, where he fell in love with medicine. He believed that by helping sick people, he could make up for some of the horrible things vampires have done. Maybe this is why Angelina Jolie adopts all those kids! It all makes sense. She must be a vampire. She has the sexy good looks, the overly dramatic attitude, and I've never seen her sleep or eat. Case closed. — Dan Bergstein

I also took a stab at drawing a Novem-Bear. I don't know what a Novem is, but I assumed it meant "balloon salesman." And the Novem-Bear has tentacles because it should. — Dan Bergstein

And since October is coming to an end, what better time to draw Octo-Bear, the bear that is an octopus! — Dan Bergstein

We're not making mistakes. We're making experiences. — Dan Bergstein

Alice also stops in to check on Bella. Guess what? Her powers have returned and she can now see Bella's future. Guess what? Bella is going to survive! Guess what? Bella's going to be super-pretty! Guess what? I hate Alice.
Did Bella decide to survive? Did she decide to be pretty? I decided to be pretty too, but that didn't make it happen. (Wearing a monkey shirt certainly helped, though.) — Dan Bergstein

The trick to taking the paper off the crayons ... is to just do it. There is no trick. — Dan Bergstein

I hope Marcus (giggle) is there. Maybe he can defeat the evil Cullens with his mighty battle cry, I can see relationships!!! — Dan Bergstein