Carol Burnett Quotes & Sayings

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away. — Carol Burnett

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. — Carol Burnett

I've always been able to recount things and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that. — Carol Burnett

Daddy, when he drank, just became sweeter. There wasn't a mean thought in his body. I've always said he was like a drunk Jimmy Stewart. — Carol Burnett

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? — Carol Burnett

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. — Carol Burnett

There's a quote of hers [Lucille Ball] that I've always loved: 'I guess I would rather regret the things I've done than to regret the things I've never done. — Carol Burnett

I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins. — Carol Burnett

I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there. — Carol Burnett

I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. — Carol Burnett

You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself. — Carol Burnett

I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking. — Carol Burnett

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. — Carol Burnett

On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing. — Carol Burnett

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief. — Carol Burnett

You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. — Carol Burnett

Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. — Carol Burnett

I have a great memory. — Carol Burnett

My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run. — Carol Burnett

No matter what, when you major in theater arts whether you want to write or be a director or design scenery or whatever, when you are a freshman at UCLA then - I guess it's still the same way - you had to take an acting class. — Carol Burnett

I had a good loud voice and I wasn't afraid to be goofy or zany. — Carol Burnett

Because nobody goes through life without a scar. — Carol Burnett

There were times when I was more at home in front of millions of people than I was at home. — Carol Burnett

Dance, dance for me
Dance with the stars
Laugh, laugh for me
Wherever you are

Sing, sing out loud
Like angels do
Remember me
The way I'll remember you

Love, love for me
With all your soul
Cry, cry for me
As I grow old

See, see me from the edge of Heaven's eye
Feel for me 'cause feelings never die

I'll remember you
My very special friend
Until we meet again

(By Carrie Hamilton, Carol Burnett's daughter) — Carol Burnett

I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances. — Carol Burnett

If someone tells you that you cannot do something and you believe it, they are right. — Carol Burnett

What I do when I write is I just write the way I would tell it, so it comes out just exactly the way I would talk to you. — Carol Burnett

I had it in my contract with CBS, a very weird clause that was never written before and certainly not since, that if I wanted to do a variety show within the first five years of the contract, CBS would have to put it on for 30 shows. — Carol Burnett

My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres. — Carol Burnett

Comedy is tragedy - plus time. — Carol Burnett

If you see a kid in school, who is a little shy ... that's when you should reach out. When you do, you are going to open up a flower and discover something wonderful. — Carol Burnett

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. — Carol Burnett

You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can't say I'm glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy. — Carol Burnett

Before you go to bed, write down three 'gratefuls' for the day and three 'did wells' (they can even include something as simple as doing the laundry)-the results can be amazing! — Carol Burnett

I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry. — Carol Burnett

I liked myself better when I wasn't me. — Carol Burnett

I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned. — Carol Burnett

I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. — Carol Burnett

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. — Carol Burnett

I think we're here for each other. — Carol Burnett

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. — Carol Burnett

I couldn't get the laughter out of my head. It wasn't career. It wasn't even a choice. It was a calling. — Carol Burnett

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington. — Carol Burnett

Because nobody goes though life without a scar. — Carol Burnett

I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. — Carol Burnett

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away. — Carol Burnett

I always had a weak chin because we couldn't afford to correct my bite, which could have been corrected with braces. So the chin was always weak. And I always was - kind of hated my profile. And I thought wouldn't it be nice someday to feel the rain on your chin without having to look up. — Carol Burnett

My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen. — Carol Burnett

Cavort, dear, just cavort — Carol Burnett

I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis. — Carol Burnett

The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.' — Carol Burnett

I always felt that I was more of an actress than a - I can't tell a joke to save my soul, but that I was a comedic actress. — Carol Burnett

When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go. — Carol Burnett

I don't remember a time when I wasn't waiting for a scab either to grow or to fall off my knee. — Carol Burnett

You do have to love your kids enough to let them hate you. But it's the disease that's hating you, not them. — Carol Burnett

I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today. — Carol Burnett

As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in 'Dharma and Greg' was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing. — Carol Burnett

But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. — Carol Burnett

My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. — Carol Burnett

Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up. — Carol Burnett

I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that. — Carol Burnett

No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful. — Carol Burnett

I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy. — Carol Burnett

People invite me to dinner not because I can cook, but because I like to clean up. I get immediate gratification from windex. Yes, I do windows. — Carol Burnett

I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. — Carol Burnett

Comedy = tragedy + time. — Carol Burnett

We don't stop going to school when we graduate. — Carol Burnett

When I was little I would always stand in front of a mirror and cross my eyes. Then my mother would come in and say, "Stop that, nothing will ever come of it! — Carol Burnett

I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love. — Carol Burnett

It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers. — Carol Burnett

It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others. — Carol Burnett

What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. — Carol Burnett

I very much enjoyed doing 'Law & Order,' playing a killer - that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite. — Carol Burnett

Carol, if you could be a member of the opposite sex for twenty-four hours, and then pop back and be yourself again, who would you be and what would you do?" My mind started racing like mad. Opposite sex? For twenty-four hours? Who would I be? What would I do? I said a quick little prayer. Please, let me just open my mouth and have whatever comes out make sense. I took a deep breath and what came out was this: "I'd be Osama bin Laden, and I'd kill myself. — Carol Burnett

The audience is never wrong. — Carol Burnett

When someone who is known for being comedic does something straight, it's always "a big breakthrough" or a "radical departure." Why is is no one ever says that if a straight actor does comedy? Are they presuming comedy is easier? — Carol Burnett

The sidewalk was all cracked and wavy, like little hills, and the weeds pushed their way up through the cement. I had to roller-skate there anyway, because they wouldn't let me out of their sight, and they could watch me from the swing on the front porch of the old house. It was hard to skate there, and I kept falling down and getting sores on my knees...Sometimes, when they left me alone in 102 to go to the store, I'd turn on the radio and dance all around the room. I'd get on the furniture and jump from couch to the bed to the chair, leaping and twirling the whole time. — Carol Burnett

In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. — Carol Burnett

My favorite is doing the television show, as a variety show, every week. If the show wasn't that great one week, we could always come back and apologize, you know? — Carol Burnett