Barry Hughart Quotes & Sayings

Begin at the beginning as you understood it, proceed through the middle, continue to the end, and then stop, said Master Li, and he sauntered out to get drunk ... — Barry Hughart

Occasionally a moderately intelligent thought misses a turn and accidentally enters my mind — Barry Hughart

The supernatural can be very annoying until one finds the key that transforms it into science," he observed mildly ... "Come on, Ox, let's go out and get killed. — Barry Hughart

It was quite a shock for me to discover that crime was so easy that it was boring. I reluctantly turned to scholarship. — Barry Hughart

Don't be ashamed of reliving your childhood, Ox, because all of us must do it now and then to maintain our sanity. — Barry Hughart

Show me a quest for personal immortality and I'll show you a path through a slaughterhouse, and the incense of personal divinity is the stench of other people's corpses. — Barry Hughart

The mind is a miser," he said. "Nothing is ever thrown away, and it's amazing what you can find if you dig deep enough. — Barry Hughart

The emotional health of a village depended upon having a man whom everyone loved to hate, and Heaven had blessed us with two of them. — Barry Hughart

'O great and mighty Master Li, pray impart to me the Secret of Wisdom!' he bawled.
'Take a large bowl,' I said. 'Fill it with equal measures of fact, fantasy, history, mythology, science, superstition, logic, and lunacy. Darken the mixture with bitter tears, brighten it with howls of laughter, toss in three thousand years of civilization, bellow kan pei - which means "dry cup" - and drink to the dregs.'
Procopius stared at me. 'And I will be wise?' he asked.
'Better,' I said. 'You will be Chinese.' — Barry Hughart

Our senses are woefully limited. Our brains are but tiny candles flickering in an infinity of darkness. Our only wisdom is to admit that we cannot understand, and since we cannot understand we must do the best we can with faith. which is our only talent. The greatest act of faith we are capable of is that of loving another more than we love ourselves, and occasionally we can be quite good at it. — Barry Hughart

Master Li turned bright red while he scorched the air with the Sixty Sequential Sacrileges with which he had won the all-China Freestyle Blasphemy Competition in Hangchow three years in a row. — Barry Hughart

Little girls have large maternal instincts, and they take the Feast of Hungry Ghosts very seriously, and they were making their rounds with small lanterns made from candles inside rolled lotus and sage leaves. I could feel ghosts all around us, moving toward the warmth of the sweet singing voices: You are not alone, the girls sang, you are not forgotten, we care and understand, our own lives are but a candle flame from yours. — Barry Hughart

The problem with 'the crown jewel of Chinese literature' [Dream of the Red Chamber] is that it has two thousand pages and an equal number of characters, and the hero is an effeminate ass who should have either been spanked or decapitated, both ends being equally objectionable. — Barry Hughart

Miser Shen is preparing to spend the night with a goat. — Barry Hughart

The problem with poetic justice is that it never knows when to stop. — Barry Hughart

To cherish perfection is to commit creative suicide, and every true artist knows that a masterpiece is an accident that should be burned. — Barry Hughart

Mystery and terror are the bulwarks of tyranny. — Barry Hughart

Nothing on the face of this earth - and I do mean nothing - is half so dangerous as a children's story that happens to be real... — Barry Hughart

Everybody knows that the soul of a cat is formed from the composite souls of nine debauched nuns who failed in their vows. — Barry Hughart

Boy, just look at the soul shining through my eyes! It's like a goddamned flower! — Barry Hughart

Immortality is a meaningless word unless invulnerability goes with it. — Barry Hughart

Ox, what occupation is most closely linked to insanity?'
'Emperor,' I said promptly. — Barry Hughart

Blessed are the idiots, for they are happiest people on earth. — Barry Hughart

Error can point the way to truth, while empty-headedness can only lead to more empty-headedness or to a career in politics. — Barry Hughart

...Men cannot come any closer to immortality without going insane. — Barry Hughart

Ox, at an early age a Chinese genius gazes at the path that lies ahead and reaches for a wine jar," Master Li said. "Is it any wonder that our greatest men have lurched rather than walked across the landscape as they hiccuped their way into history? — Barry Hughart

A fool will study for twenty or thirty years and learn how to do something, but a wise man will study for twenty or thirty minutes and become an expert. In this world, it isn't ability that counts, but authority. — Barry Hughart

Fable has strong shoulders that carry far more truth than fact can. — Barry Hughart

I used to love history class. I can still quote whole passages by heart: "When the emperor entered the Hall of Balming Virtue, a violent wind came from a dark corner, and out of it slithered a giant serpent that coiled around the throne. The emperor fainted, and that night earthquakes struck Loyang, and waves swept the shores, and cranes shrieked in the marshes. On the fifth day of the sixth moon a long trail of black mist floated into the Hall of Concubines, and hot and cold became confused, and a hen turned into a rooster, and a woman turned into a man, and flesh fell from the skies." Now, that is grand stuff, just the thing to give to growing boys, and then we were old enough to read the greatest of all historians. This is what Ssu-ma Ch'ien had to say about the exact same subject: "The Chou Dynasty was nearing collapse." Bah. — Barry Hughart

Master Li, how are we going to murder a man who laughs at axes?" I asked.
We are going to experiment, dear boy. Our first order of business will be to find a deranged alchemist, which should not be very difficult. China," said Master Li, "is overstocked with deranged alchemists. — Barry Hughart

'Immortality is only for the gods,' he whispered. 'I wonder how they can stand it.' — Barry Hughart

I shall clasp my hands together and bow to the corners of the world.
May your villages remain ignorant of tax collectors, and may your sons be many and ugly and strong and willing workers, and may your daughters be few and beautiful and excellent providers of love gifts from eminent families that live very far away, and may your lives be blessed by the beauty that has touched mine.
Farewell. — Barry Hughart