Alexei Sayle Quotes & Sayings

...I learned the lesson that, even after the revolution, cool, handsome and confident is always going to beat weird-looking and needy. — Alexei Sayle

The journalists have obviously failed to capture my innate magnetism, humour and charisma, and they all need to be fired from their newspapers right away. — Alexei Sayle

First off, I have to mention what is undoubtedly the greatest phenomenon of the modern era: All You Can Eat Buffets. — Alexei Sayle

Also a fan of being inscrutable, Franco once said, 'You are a the slave of what you say and the master of what you don't say.' He might have added that that approach isn't always guaranteed to work. If you attempt, for example, to be sphinx-like, mysterious and enigmatic when you get to the front of a long queue at the chip shop, you do risk being punched quite hard in the back of the head. — Alexei Sayle

It always seemed to be a constant that my parents were political. — Alexei Sayle

If someone starts agreeing with me, I don't like it. Out of pique, I become something else. — Alexei Sayle

The optimum frequency with which comedians should do a series is every year. I do one every three years. My audience is literally dying off. — Alexei Sayle

I exist as an annexe of the BBC. I'm down the road a bit from the main building, in a little hut. — Alexei Sayle

You can't do comedy with a beard. — Alexei Sayle

I would say I was still a Marxist - which is not to be confused with being a Communist. Despite its flaws, Marxism still seems to explain the material world better than anything else. — Alexei Sayle

I feel really ambiguous about the psychology of people trying to do good in the world. — Alexei Sayle

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift' ... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git. — Alexei Sayle

I suppose the common idea of me is that I'm going to be someone who's hyper and cracking jokes all the time, but people who meet me are soon disabused of that notion. — Alexei Sayle

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres. — Alexei Sayle

I'm distinct, really. — Alexei Sayle

However, my problems with my memory are further complicated by the fact that while I don't have any recollection of things I have actually done, I have very vivid recollections of loads of things that I haven't done. — Alexei Sayle

Recently, my personal advisors have been telling me to go to America. Actually, people have been walking up to me in the street and telling me to sod off, but that's the same thing, isn't it? — Alexei Sayle

A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags. — Alexei Sayle

I feel sorry for many politicians ... we expect them to be completely consistent and moralised when we're not. — Alexei Sayle

I did six series for the BBC and that was enough. I've been writing for ten years, which is more challenging artistically. — Alexei Sayle

It seems easier to make a career out of comedy now than it was in the 1980s. — Alexei Sayle

I'm fascinated by comedy. — Alexei Sayle

I'm sure a psychologist would see something highly significant in how absent-minded I am. I mean I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached to my neck by muscles, ligaments and my esophagus. — Alexei Sayle

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip. — Alexei Sayle

I don't think people were that interested in what I was doing for the most of the 1990s. — Alexei Sayle

Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states, — Alexei Sayle

This is the band Radical Posture, and my name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five-Year Plan Sputnik Pravda Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean? — Alexei Sayle

People aren't universally heroic. — Alexei Sayle

For me, the showbiz memoir is uninteresting - you want to tell people something they don't know about. — Alexei Sayle

I like the south of Spain, notably for the Moorish influence and the weather. — Alexei Sayle

Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often. — Alexei Sayle

I have a lot of nice Italian winter clothes that make me look like a sophisticated Lebanese professor, so my friend Robert and I go around pretending to be experts in Arabic politics. It doesn't work in the summer though. I don't have the right clothes. — Alexei Sayle

I wanted to write about how people's beliefs shift. — Alexei Sayle

Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way. — Alexei Sayle

People used to think I was just a shouty comic but I was doing stuff about Sartre. — Alexei Sayle

I liked 35 and in both my novels that is the age of the lead characters. I tried making them my age but they just seemed to keep moaning about stuff. — Alexei Sayle

I've accentuated the look over the years. As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death. — Alexei Sayle

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. — Alexei Sayle

Most of the Communists I knew were nice people. — Alexei Sayle

There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark — Alexei Sayle

Everyone I used to work with is still alive and can afford expensive lawyers. — Alexei Sayle

I'm an intellectual. — Alexei Sayle

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city. — Alexei Sayle

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like 'Brothers in Arms' and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git. — Alexei Sayle

Pete couldn't believe how sanctimonious somebody could be just because they'd once had a soldering iron stuck up their arse. — Alexei Sayle

But as in all cults, what's central to the Communist Party is the belief system and the elimination of nuance. From there you're very slowly led down the road to fanaticism and mass murder. — Alexei Sayle

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't. — Alexei Sayle

If you travel to the States ... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.' — Alexei Sayle

Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you. — Alexei Sayle

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own. — Alexei Sayle

I don't think I'd ever get thin, but I don't see why I should necessarily think that I couldn't ... You can't live your life for your routines. — Alexei Sayle

I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that. — Alexei Sayle

I always thought communism was crap, really. — Alexei Sayle

I'm still fiercely ambitious. — Alexei Sayle